Sherbango soup - posts tagged 'Woot'

Otter Cove's Oh Pinot Noir - 2 Pack - $49.99

Mon, 06 Sep 2010 05:00:27 GMT

Ready For The World

You get one bottle for the geese, and one for the gander. Oh Pinot.

If you’re after depth and character, you either want a good book or an Otter Cover Pinot Noir. And if you’re drinking books… well, you’re probably pretty tough, so we’re not going to pick a fight or anything. But maybe, you know, consider trying one of these two bottles of wine. If nothing else, they’ll fit better in a glass.

There’s also the flavor to consider as well. A book is going to taste like pulp and ink, with some hints of cardboard and glue. But the 2006 Oh Pinot Noir comes from the Balo Vineyards and boasts a dark, rich color with tastes of cherries, blackberries, preserve-like fruit flavors and a long velvety finish that will work well over fine meats and chocolates. And the 2007 Oh Pinot Noir from the Santa Lucia Highlands, with its bold nose and flavors of chocolate, cherry and raspberry is perfect for lamb, salmon, chicken or steak… even dark chocolate truffles! What book can boast any of that?

There’s a place for great literature, but… well, again, we’re not trying to cause trouble, but… this two pack of Otter Cove’s Oh Pinot Noir isn’t going to cause paper cuts on your tongue. And isn’t that what you want most of all in a wine?

2006 Oh Pinot Noir, Balo Vineyards:

Alcohol: 14.3%
Appellation: Anderson Valley
Bottling Date: September 15, 2007
Months in Barrel: 12
Release Date: December 01, 2008
Special Designation: Balo Vineyards
Varietal: Pinot Noir

This is a Pinot Noir with more depth and character. You'll get darker rich color, cherries, black berries, almost a preserve quality of cherries, with a nice long silky velvety finish. This will pair nicely with finer meats like filet mignon, Kobe beef, rack of lamb, New York strip, wild mushrooms, and chocolates. It has enough tannin structure to age for five to 10 years.

2007 Oh Pinot Noir, Santa Lucia Highlands:

Alcohol: 14.1%
Appellation: Santa Lucia Highlands
Bottling Date: August 2008
Months in Barrel: 11
Release Date: August 2010
Varietal: 100% Pinot Noir

This is a blend of two vineyards from the Santa Lucia Highlands. However, it is 100% Pinot Noir. Aged in French oak with 50% of them being new. Nice nose with bold cherries, raspberries, chocolate, and a silky finish. Once you have a sip, you won't want to put it down. This will pair nicely with lamb, salmon, steaks, chicken, and even with desserts.

Rules and restrictions:

Wine sold by winery (or a retailer in your state where necessary)
You must be 21 or older to order
Whoever receives the package must be 21 or older
If you're drunk when the package shows up, you will not be allowed to receive it
Wine cannot be delivered to a P.O. Box
We highly recommend you use a business address as your shipping address

Thanks to stick-in-the-mud buzzkilling state legislators, wine may only be delivered to the following states:

Arizona
California
Colorado
Connecticut
District Of Columbia
Florida
Georgia
Idaho
Illinois
Iowa
Kansas
Louisiana
Michigan
Minnesota
Missouri
Nebraska
Nevada
New Mexico
New York
North Carolina
North Dakota
Ohio
Oregon
South Carolina
Tennessee
Texas
Vermont
Virginia
Washington
West Virginia
Wisconsin
Wyoming

If your state's not on the list, you're out of luck... for now. Keep up with the ever-changing laws over at ShipCompliantBlog.com, and/or sound the alarms with your state assembly person through FreeTheGrapes.org. Meanwhile, all Federal, state and local laws are complied with in providing this wine.

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Price: $49.99

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RANDOM - $6.66

Mon, 06 Sep 2010 05:00:27 GMT

The Torso Of Fate

There’s no such thing, they say, as total randomness.

Let’s say you had an infinite cosmic lottery machine with an infinite number of lottery balls bouncing around inside. Theoretically, if you had correct data on every ball’s starting position and weight, and the speed that the machine was turning, and the gravity and air pressure inside the machine and all that, and you knew the correct formulas to use, you could accurately predict which ball would rise to the top when the machine stopped.

We couldn’t, of course. But we’ve played enough ball-bouncing Flash games to understand that it’s possible.

So don’t expect a truly random shirt here. For one thing, they all have one neck and two arms. For another thing, they’re all printed by us on our usual Woot tees. For another another thing, they were all available here and then fell out of our top 20 within the last few weeks. So that kinda narrows it down considerably from the full range of what could conceivably be called a shirt.

You still can’t pick which one you want, though. We’ll call it partial randomness.

Wear this shirt: secure in the knowledge that, unlike the more popular Woot tees, you’ll probably never run into anybody else wearing it.

Don’t wear this shirt: in your mug shot. Its reputation has suffered enough.

This shirt tells the world: “When I’m putting an outfit together, this first question I ask is ‘what’s really, really cheap?’”

We call this color: A Hue To Be Named Later.

Please check our sizing chart before you order. The Woot Tee follows a classic closer-fitting style. If you prefer a baggier look, order a larger size. If there is not a larger size, consider starting a belly-hanging-out trend.

In observance of Labor Day, overnight orders will ship on Tuesday for delivery on Wednesday.

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Price: $6.66

Eureka Comfort Clean Upright Bagless Vacuum with HEPA Filter - $79.99

Mon, 06 Sep 2010 05:00:25 GMT

“Bagless”? We Prefer The Term “Bag-More”

I’m the Eureka Comfort Clean, and I’m here to tell you that you can lead a full, active lifestyle whether you have a bag or not.

Every day, thousands of bag-free Americans just like me do all of the same things that everyone else does. We play racquetball. We give our kids piggyback rides. We enjoy satisfying love lives – seriously, I could show you some home videos that would pop your eyes right out of your skull. We snowboard.

And most of all, we get carpets cleaner than you’ve ever seen in your life. The doctors say our bodies compensate for our lack of bags by developing whirlwind cyclonic technology. This extraordinary adaptation lets us maintain suction power far longer than a traditional vacuum.

Why does everyone always snicker when I say that? Baglessness is no laughing matter, people.

My point is, don’t look at us as handicapped or disabled or neutered. Look at us as ordinary citizens just like you, with all the same feelings and abilities and dreams, who happen to have a HEPA filter that captures 99.97% of dust and allergens. The days of hiding our baglessness in the shadows are over. Bag-free Americans will be your friends and clean your floors, but we refuse to hide in your closets.

Unless that’s just where you keep your vacuum cleaner. That’s OK, I guess.

Warranty: 2 Year Electrolux

Condition: New

Features:

Automatic cord rewind rewinds 25-foot
Cord effortlessly for quick and easy storage
Easy-Empty Dust Cup
Washable Canister Filter
Whirlwind cyclonic technology maintains suction power longer with powerful whirlwind cyclonic technology
HEPA filter captures 99.97% of dust and allergens for a cleaner home
Adjustable Telescoping Handle with Comfort-Gripped O-Shaped handle

Specifications:

Turbo Nozzle: Power Paw with Riser Visor
Power: 12 amps
HEPA Filter: HF-11 (4.5” x 3.25” x 1”)
Dust Cup Canister Filter: DCF-21 (3.75” x 4.25”)
Cord Length: 25 ft.
Weight: 19 lbs.
Shipping Weight: 23 lbs.
Cleaner Dimensions 14”(w) x 12”(L) x 42.75” (H)
Cleaning Path Width: 14 in.
Telescopic Wand: 17 in.
Telescopic Wand Extended: 26 in.
Vacuum Hose: 31 in.
Vacuum Hose Extended: 108 in.
Total Extended Reach: 134 in. (11 ft. 2 in.)

Additional Features

Odor Elimination: No
Height Adjustment: Yes
Bagless: Yes
Flip-Bottom Cup: Yes
Suction Control Switch: No
Easy-Empty Dust Cup: Yes
Indicators: No
Edge Kleeners™: Yes
Automatic Cord Rewind: Yes
Converts to Hand Vac: No
Additional Tools: Telescopic Wand, Crevice, Combo Brush
Easy-Reach Design: Yes

Additional Photos:

Eureka Comfort Clean Vacuum
Eureka - Detail
Retail Package
Cord Rewind
Height Control
Dust Cup with Filter
HEPA Filter - Cover Off
HEPA Filter - Cover On
Eureka with Power Paw Accessory Attached - Vertical
Eureka with Power Paw Accessory Attached - Horizontal

In the box:

Eureka Comfort Clean
Telescopic Wand
Crevice Tool
Combo Brush
Users Guide
HF-11 HEPA Filter (Already Installed)
DCF-21 Dust Cup Canister Filter (Already Installed)

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Price: $79.99

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Otterrifying - $10.00

Sun, 05 Sep 2010 05:00:28 GMT

Dobhar-chú Lookin’ At?

3rd place in Derby #162: Cryptozoology Redux, with 732 votes!

So lemme get this straight. The Scots have a monstrous dinosaur-like creature living in a lake. Mexico has beasts that suck goats. Northwest America has a an ape-like creature that enjoys making cameos on badly shot videos. New Jersey has some winged biped with hooves they call a “devil”. Oh, and that Snooki person on Jersey Shore.

And the Irish? They have a really big otter. Huh.

Could be worse, I guess. At least the Dobhar-chú has a somewhat fleshed out Wikipedia page. The Dingonek can’t even claim that kind of respect.

Wear this shirt: while visiting The Kinlough Stone.

Don’t wear this shirt: if you’re more of a “water cat” person.

This shirt tells the world: “Terror comes in the fuzziest of packages.”

We call this color: Godzilla Could Totally Kick This Beast’s Asphalt

Design Placement: Centered

Design Size:

3X – S: 12" x 9.25"

WXL - K4: 9" x 7"

Pantone Colors: Cool Gray 1C - Warm Gray 4C - Cool Gray 8C - 729C - Warm Red C - Black

In observance of Labor Day, overnight orders will ship on Tuesday for delivery on Wednesday.

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Price: $10.00

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JVC Everio 1080p HD Camcorder w/ 20x Optical Zoom & Dual SDHC Slots - $199.99

Sun, 05 Sep 2010 05:00:27 GMT

It’s Not Stealing When They Do It

Even the very best “beat the system” plan is going to need a little hardware.

Richard Branson, the billionaire, started out smuggling records into England. By the time he was arrested in 1971, he was rich enough to afford the fine. Now he’s got a knighthood and an airline. THIS COULD BE YOU!

But don’t think it’s easy to become a white-collar criminal. You need to be brave, clever, sneaky, and also have that initial startup capital. Like, if you were going to exploit the spirit of fair use by releasing a movie as hundreds of ten second clips (each sold separately) you’d want to first buy a JVC Everio HD Camcorder.

The JVC Everio HD Camcorder is very portable, meaning you can sneak it in places where one would normally not expect a camera to be. It’s also got an LED video light built right in, so dark places can be well lit. Use that 20x optical zoom and the Konica Minolta HD lens to make a 1920 x 1080 Full HD recording, and save all those ten second clips to a SD/SDHC Memory Card (not included) in one of the two card slots and pow! You’re ready to go!

If Branson can make an empire out of selling cut-outs from the back of his car, surely YOU can make millions using a JVC Everio HD Camcorder to collect the very latest fair-use blockbusters. Even better: what about releasing just the good parts? Imagine an hour-long collection of ten second clips with nothing but the explosions and the sex scenes. Hey, if Hollywood doesn’t care about a logical plot, why should you? Just be sure to charge a small “assembly fee” to cover the cost of your JVC Everio HD Camcorder and put a little bit aside each day.

After all, if you can cover the fine, you’re no longer a pirate. You’re a maverick businessman!

Authorized for SquareTrade Extended Warranty

Warranty: 90 Day JVC

Condition: Refurbished

Features:

1920 x 1080 Full HD recording
20 x optical zoom with a Konica Minolta HD lens, zoom without sacrificing quality
HD Gigabrid Premium image processor
Great portability, only weights 0.68 lbs with battery attached
Dual SD memory card slots to extend recording time
Capture Full HD video to SD/SDHC memory cards (not included)
3.05-megapixel CMOS image sensor (1.16 effective for video)
LED video light helps illuminate low-light environments
Laser-touch operation selection bar allows you easily zoom, record, and browse
Widescreen 16:9 recording mode
One-touch upload to YouTube
Face detection technology
Includes Remote Control (battery included)
Includes USB cable (52” long), component video cable (58” long), and composite audio/video cable (58” long)

Camcorder Color Photos:

Blue Camcorder
Blue Camcorder Package Contents
Black Camcorder
Black Camcorder Package Contents
Red Camcorder
Red Camcorder Package Contents

Additional Photos:

Camcorder Assorted Buttons, HDMI and Component Inputs, and Memory Card Slots
Camcorder Lens, Microphone and LED
Camcorder Zoom and Snapshot Buttons
Camcorder USB Input
Camcorder Packaging

Product Specifications:
Power Supply:

DC 11V (using AC adapter)
DC 7.2V (using battery pack)

Power Consumption:

Approximately 3.3W

Rated Current Consumption:

Dimensions (W x H x D):

2-3/16” x 2-9/16” x 4-7/16” (54.2mm x 65mm x 112.5mm)

Weight:

Approximately 0.57 lbs (260 g)
Approximately 0.68 lbs (310 g) (including battery and grip belt)

Operating Temperature:

32°F to 104°F (0°C to 40°C)

Operating Humidity:

35% to 80%

Storage Temperature:

-4°F to 122°F (-20°C to 50°C)

Pickup:

1/4” (2,800,000 pixels) progressive CMOS

Lens:

F 1.9 to 3.2
f= 2.9 mm to 58 mm
20:1 power zoom lens

Filter Diameter:

ø30.5 mm

LCD Monitor:

2.7” diagonally measured
LCD panel/TFT active matrix system

LED Light:

Within 4.9 ft (1.5 m)

Recording/Playback Format:

Video: MPEG-4 AVC.H.264
Audio: Dolby Digital (2ch)

Signal Format:

1080i/60

Recording Mode (Video):

UXP: 1920 x 1080 pixels, average of 24 Mbps (VBR)
XP: 1920 x 1080 pixels, average of 17 Mbps (VBR)
SP: 1920 x 1080 pixels, average of 12 Mbps (VBR)
EP: 1920 x 1080 pixels, average of 5 Mbps (VBR)

Recording Mode (audio):

48 Hz, 256 kbps

Still Image Format:

JPEG

Image Size:

1920 x 1080
1440 x 1080
640 x 480

Picture Quality:

FINE/STANDARD

HDMI:

HDMI (V.1.3 with x.v.Color)

Component Output:

Y, Pb, Pr Component Output
Y: 1.0 V (p-p), 75Ω
Pb/Pr: 0.7V (p-p), 75Ω

AV Output:

Video output: 1.0 V (p-p), 75Ω
Audio output: 300 mV (rms), 1 kΩ

USB:

Mini USB type A and type B
USB 2.0 compliant

Power Requirement:

AC 100V to 240C, 50 Hz/60Hz
AC Adapter (2-Prong) Length: Approximately 75”

Output:

DC 11V, 1A

Remote Control:

Power Supply: DC 3 V
Battery Life: Approximately 1 Year
Operating Distance: Within 16.4 ft. (5 m)
Operating Temperature: 32°F to 104°F (0°C to 104°C)

In the box:

(1) JVC Everio 3.05MP HD Camcorder w/20x Optical (You Choose: Blue, Black OR Red)
(1) Rechargeable lithium ion battery
(1) AC Adapter/Charger
(1) Grip Belt/Wrist Strap Combo
(1) Remote Control
(1) USB 2.0 Cable and Core Filter
(1) Component Cable and Core Filter
(1) Composite Audio/Video Cable and Core Filter
(1) JVC Application CD-Rom (Windows Only)

Inset credit: nickwebb

Inset credit: shankbone

Inset credit: daly3d

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Price: $199.99

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oh shiny - $10.00

Sat, 04 Sep 2010 05:00:24 GMT

Probably Just A Gator With A Laser Pointer

2nd place in Derby #162: Cryptozoology Redux, with 827 votes!

You can talk about aliens and pixies all you like, but it ain’t ever gonna be real. All those crazy things you see? Them UFOs and ninety foot tall giants and cyclopses and wookalars and half man, half bat crusaders fighting for justice? Swamp gas. Yep, just a ball of sentient swamp gas, ready and willing to take over the world.

That’s why you’ve got to be careful in the swamp. You gotta have a flamethrower, of course, and not just because that’s cool. You gotta have a flamethrower because if that gas sneaks up on you, fire’s the only thing that’s gonna stop it. And even that ain’t gonna stop it for long. Because deep in the center of the Earth, there’s a giant bean burrito, just a’plottin’ how to bring about the downfall of man. And if we ain’t ever vigilant, that burrito’s gonna do it too. So remember! If you’re ever out alone, and you see a noise, you light up a match straight away! Maybe it’s just some nice familiar oxygen comin’ over to be friendly… or maybe… it ain’t.

Wear this shirt: fearlessly. Because he who wears this shirt and knows fear shall burn at the Man-Thing’s touch! See, ladies? This one time, 70’s sexism is a plus. And stop staring at our Man-Thing.

Don’t wear this shirt: and expect you’ll get Alan Moore to sign it. He’s probably moved on at this point.

This shirt tells the world: “I bet there’s a sweet X-Wing under here somewhere.”

We call this color: The Navy Would Be More Fun If They All Had Those Cool Boats With Giant Fans On The Back

Design Placement: Centered

Design Size:

3X – S: 13" x 8"

WXL - k4: 9" x 5.5"

Pantone Colors: White - 317C - 7494C - 5425C - 7545C

In observance of Labor Day, overnight orders will ship on Tuesday for delivery on Wednesday.

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Price: $10.00

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Philips 22” 720p LCD HDTV - $149.99

Sat, 04 Sep 2010 05:00:23 GMT

Television? Why would you want to buy a television?

The future is podcasting, friend.

Sure, you could get this refurbished Philips 22” 720p LCD HDTV if you need a giant paperweight or something. But unless you use the PC-input to hook it up to your computer (and you could definitely do that) you’re going to miss out on the real entertainment, like Never Not Funny.

What good is the 1366x768p HD LCD display if it’s not makin’ you laugh, right? Try using the Settings Assistant for that: try programming it to increase the amount of thought-provoking humor on TV. It’s not gonna happen. And yeah, the Digital Crystal Clear will give your images amazing depth and clarity in widescreen, but if it’s just some boring reality show who’s going to care? Not us.

Child Protection? Remote Control? Adjustable Screen Formats? Useless, all of it. About the only thing you’d actually use on this TV is the Sleep Timer, because if you’re not watching Jimmy Pardo you’re on a countdown until boredom knocks you unconscious anyway. What’s the alternative? Jay Leno making fun of small-town newspapers for their typos? At least Letterman- wait, what? Letterman does that bit TOO, now?! See? This is why I only watch podcasts.

You think you’ve got better options? It’s not like they’re bringing Conan back any time soon.

Authorized for SquareTrade Extended Warranty

Warranty: 90 Day P&F

Condition: Refurbished

Features:

Up to 5ms response time for clear, fast moving action
Digital Crystal Clear for detail depth and clarity
Dynamic contrast for incredible rich black details
HD LCD display, with a 1366×768p resolution
2×3W RMS audio power
PC-input allows you to use your TV as a PC monitor
Settings assistant for effortless personalized TV settings
2 HDMI inputs with Easylink for HD connection
ATSC & QAM tuner receives over the air and unscrambled cable

Additional Photos:

Philips 22PFL3504D/F7B 22” HDTV
Volume, Menu, Channel, and Power Buttons
Rear Video and Audio Ports
Side Video and Audio Ports
Remote Control
Box

Picture/Display:

Aspect ratio: Widescreen
Brightness: 300 cd/m²
Contrast ratio (typical): 800:1
Dynamic screen contrast: 3200:1
Response time (typical): 5 ms
Viewing angle: 170º (H) / 160º (V)
Diagonal screen size: 22 inch / 56 cm
Visible screen diagonal (inch): 21.6 inch
Panel resolution: 1366×768p
Picture enhancement: 3D Comb filter, Digital Crystal Clear, Digital Noise Reduction, Dynamic contrast enhancement, Progressive scan

Supported Display Resolution:

640×480
720×480
800×600
1024×768
1280×768
1360×768

Sound:

Equalizer: 5-bands
Output power (RMS): 2×3W
Sound System: Dolby Digital (AC-3), Stereo, SAP

Loudspeakers:

Built-in speakers: 2

Convenience:

Child Protection: Child Lock+Parental Control
Clock: Sleep Timer
Ease of Installation: Autostore, PLL Digital Tuning
Ease of Use: Auto Volume Leveller (AVL), AutoPicture, AutoSound, Settings assistant Wizard, Side Control
Remote Control: TV
Screen Format Adjustments: 4:3, Movie expand 16:9, Widescreen

Tuner/Reception/Transmission:

Aerial Input: 75 ohm F-type
TV system: ATSC, NTSC
Video Playback: NTSC
Cable: Unscrambled Digital Cable -QAM
Tuner bands: Hyperband, S-Channel, UHF, VHF

Connectivity:

AV 1: Audio L/R in, YPbPr
Front / Side connections: HDMI v1.3, S-video in, CVBS in, Audio L/R in, Headphone out, USB
Audio Output – Digital: Coaxial (cinch)
Other connections: PC Audio in, PC-In VGA
HDMI 1: HDMI v1.3, Analog audio L/R in
EasyLink (HDMI-CEC): One touch play, Power status, System info (menu language), System audio control, System standby

Power:

Ambient temperature: 5 °C to 35 °C
Mains power: 120V/60Hz
Power consumption: 70 W
Standby power consumption: < 0.5 W

Dimensions:

Set dimensions in inch (W x H x D): 21.6×14.8×3.5 inch
Set dimensions with stand in inch (W x H x D): 21.6×16.3×7.1 inch
Weight incl. Packaging (lb): 13.9
Product weight (lb): 10.2
Product weight (+stand) (lb): 10.9 lb
VESA wall mount compatible: 100×100 mm

In the box:

Philips 22PFL3504D/F7B 22” HDTV
Remote Control
Power Cable
Swivel Stand

Photo inset credit: Never Not Funny

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Price: $149.99

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Shadow Canyon 2005 Syrah - 3 Pack - $44.99

Fri, 03 Sep 2010 05:00:24 GMT

The Last Three Pack

They say once a man’s made up his mind, he casts a longer shadow. Well, they don’t say that yet, but we’re hoping they’ll start.

Wouldn’t it be cool to be remembered for starting something wonderful? That’s what Gary Gibson thought back in 1983, when he first founded York Mountain Vinyard. And for a while, life was great. His winery even got him a shot at guest blogging. But you know what? There comes a time when a man looks and all he’s done, and decides he’s done it right. And for Gary Gibson, that time is now. He’s hanging up his winemaking gunbelt.

But to make room on the wall, he’s got to get rid of the rest of his 2005 Shadow Canyon Syrah. So that’s where you come in! It’s your chance to scoop up the very last three pack while it’s still available. Just think, as Gary drives to the hardware store in search of a winemaking gunbelt hook, you could be enjoying the aromas of cocoa, black pepper, dried strawberries, raspberries, blackberries and smoke. You could be savoring the medium body and soft tannin that the delicate fruit allows you, or marveling at how the bottle opens fully when decanting. Best over the next 6 to 8 years, you’ll find the long finish coupling well against the enticing texture, and you’ll be left running to the edge of your wine rack, crying “Come back, Gary! Gary! Don’t go! Come back!”

But a man knows when he’s done what he came here to do. So we wish you and your family well, Gary Gibson. Thanks for the last of your 2005 Shadow Canyon Syrah. Adios, stranger. Adios.

Shadow Canyon 2005 Syrah:

14.25% Alcohol
3.70 pH
.76 TA
20 months in 100% French oak barrels
Bottling date – 6/12/07

Harvest Information:

10/4/05 - Harvested .93 tons ( .8 tons/acre ) of clone 470 and 1.56 tons (.9 tons/acre ) of clone 877 - Total 2.5025 tons
10/9/05 - Harvested Total 2.3485 tons (combined of approximately 1/3 each Estrella / 470 / 383 clones)
10/15/05 - Harvested Total 4.489 tons ( combined of approximately 1/2 each of clone 383 and 174 lower block)
10/18/05 - Harvested Total 1.0825 tons of 174 upper block + 1 row 174 lower block

2005 estate wine is elegant and full of compelling, cool-climate aromas of cocoa, black pepper, blackberries, dried strawberries, dried raspberries, and smoke. The mouth is rich and complex without being heavy or thick. It’s got great acid and tannin balance and a long finish. The wine opens up fully with decanting and the structure promises a very long life.

Rules and restrictions:

Wine sold by winery (or a retailer in your state where necessary)
You must be 21 or older to order
Whoever receives the package must be 21 or older
If you're drunk when the package shows up, you will not be allowed to receive it
Wine cannot be delivered to a P.O. Box
We highly recommend you use a business address as your shipping address

Thanks to stick-in-the-mud buzzkilling state legislators, wine may only be delivered to the following states:

Arizona
California
Colorado
Connecticut
District Of Columbia
Florida
Georgia
Idaho
Illinois
Iowa
Kansas
Louisiana
Michigan
Minnesota
Missouri
Nebraska
Nevada
New Hampshire
New Mexico
New York
North Carolina
North Dakota
Ohio
Oregon
South Carolina
Tennessee
Texas
Vermont
Virginia
Washington
West Virginia
Wisconsin
Wyoming

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Price: $44.99

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Akkorokamui-san - $10.00

Fri, 03 Sep 2010 05:00:24 GMT

C’mon, I bet the Ainu are just scaredy cats.

1st place in Derby #162: Cryptozoology Redux, with 1315 votes!

Listen to yourself, Gary. You sound like one of those superstitious islanders, now. A 360+ feet long squid-fish hybrid sea monster? In beautiful little Funka Bay? Don’t make me laugh.

Fine, you know what? Be scared. Either way we have to finish this geological survey for the submerged floating tunnel proposal, so let’s just get it done.

OH MY GOD WHAT WAS THAT?!

Ha ha! Gotcha! Man, you are jumpy! What’s the worst that could happen? We’re in a submersible, Gary. This thing is made to handle the most extreme pressure man can overcome. I don’t care how big your stupid fish monster is, it couldn’t even touch us!

Okay, joke’s over, Gary. Stop fiddling with the sonar. The whole thing’s lit up. I’m not falling for it.

Gary, stop causing the hull to pop and shriek like that.

GARY, YOU STOP CRUSHING THIS SUBMERSIBLE IN YOUR GIANT TENTACLES!

Wear this shirt: On a small fishing boat off the coast of Japan’s northernmost prefecture.

Don’t wear this shirt: In the midwest. Landlocked states just don’t appreciate sea legends.

This shirt tells the world: “This explains all those Japanese movies full of tentacles. Hmm? I mean, I’ve heard about ‘em. I don’t watch them any more…than the average tentacle enthusiast.”

We call this color: Way Brown Deep Below the Waves

Design Placement: Left Side of Shirt

Design Size:

3X – S: 9.5” x 19”

WXL - WS: 7.5" x 15"

K12 - K4: 6.25" x 12.5

Pantone Colors: 2915C - 660C - 653C - Black

In observance of Labor Day, overnight orders will ship on Friday for delivery on Tuesday.

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Price: $10.00

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iRobot Scooba Floor Washing Robot - $179.99

Fri, 03 Sep 2010 05:00:23 GMT

Don’t Hesitate

In the war between man and machine, there is no time for sentimentality.

“Stay sharp, Scout. This here’s Machine territory. Keep that laser rifle primed and ready for any GAH! Dang, that hurts.”

“Sir, are you going to make it? That wound looks pretty bad.”

“Nonsense. I’m fine. Just stings really good, you hear me?”

“It looks like you’re losing a lot of blood, though.”

“I said I’m fine, Scout. In my time against the mechanical menace, I’ve had worse, I assure you. You just worry about what’s out there. It’s just a couple more miles to the Outpost and I don’t want…”

scoot scoot scoot scoot

“Sir? Sir, I think I hear something.”

“I hear it, too. Over there. Look! It’s… It’s…”

“Aww. It’s an iRobot Scooba Floor Washing Robot! Why, I used to have one just like it before humanity fell to the steel tyrants! Hey there, little guy!”

“Scout, you idiot! Don’t you see? That’s not the same award-winning floor washing robot that used to remove 98% of common household bacteria from your hardwood, tile, and linoleum floors with the touch of a button. That thing is a killer, cold, calculating, and reprogrammed to be a death machine.”

“No way, sir. Not this little wonder. Not even the Robot Hive-Mind could make these things evil. Mine was such a good little ‘bot. I remember the cute way it would scoot around during its 4-stage cleaning process. Did you know one full tank of cleaning solution could wash up to 250 square feet? Gosh, I miss those days. Maybe this little Scooba is just hiding out from the bad ‘bots!”

“They’re all bad ‘bots now, Scout. All but the dead ones.”

“Hey, what’s he got there? Why, it’s a coupon for discounted bonus enzyme liquid for cleaning floors with. Awww. Sir, if there’s a more beautiful phrase in the English language than ‘discounted bonus enzyme liquid", I’ve never heard it. How could a friendly little ‘bot like that mean any harm?”

“Scout, don’t you get any closer to that thing unless you’re prepared to destroy it. That world where Scooba’s and Roomba’s would clean for humans is over! You don’t know what it’s equipped with now!”

“Probably the same cliff sensing technology that helped it avoid stairs and ledges! See, look! He likes me! Don’t be scared, little buddy. We’ll help you escAAAAGHH! MY EYES! IT JUST SPRAYED ACID INTO MY EYES! OH GOD IT’S SQUEEGEE HAS BEEN REPLACED BY RAZOR BLADES AND THEY’RE TEARING THE FLESH FROM MY BODY! HELP ME, SARGE!”

“I’m coming, Scout! I’m… what’s this? It… it’s a horde of ‘em! Thousands! You fool! You’ve doomed us both!”

Authorized for SquareTrade Extended Warranty

Warranty: 1 Year iRobot

Condition: New

Features:

Award-winning floor washing robot removes up to 98% of common household bacteria with a touch of a button (when used as directed)
Ideal for washing smaller floor areas – the Scooba 330 cleans up to 250 square feet or 1-2 rooms on a single battery charge
Simple operation: fill tank, press the Clean button, empty tank when finished
Only uses cleaning solution (tap water, water and vinegar or new Scooba Hard Floor Cleaner, Natural Enzyme Formula) to wash floors
One full tank washes up to 250 square feet
Works on sealed hardwood, tile and linoleum floors
Automatically detects carpet edges and will turn away
Navigates throughout the room using a powerful 4-stage cleaning system: prep, wash, scrub and squeegee
Autonomous cleaning pattern covers each area an average of 4 times
Cliff Sensing technology allows Scooba to avoid stairs and ledges
Cleans beneath cabinet edges, tables, chairs and other hard-to-reach places
Includes (1) Virtual Wall to mark off-limit areas (requires 2D batteries – not included)

4-Stage Cleaning Process:

Preps – sweeps and picks up dirt, sand and crumbs
Washes – uses only clean solution to wash floors (unlike mops that just spread around dirty water)
Scrubs – rotating brushes remove dirt, grime and stuck-on messes
Squeegees – squeegee lifts dirty water from floors

Additional Photos:

Underbelly
Virtual Wall
Unassembled (Battery Installed)
Unassembled (Battery Removed)
Unassembled (Showing Both Base and Top)
Package Contents
Packaging

Product Specifications:

Package Dimensions: 21” x 17” x 5” (L x W x H)
Package Weight: 15.48 lbs.
Robot Dimensions: 14.8 inches in diameter, 3.6 inches in height
Robot Weight: 8.6 lbs.

In the box:

(1) iRobot Scooba Floor Washing Robot
(4) Packets of New Scooba Hard Floor Cleaner, Natural Enzyme Formula
(1) Standard Scooba Battery
(1) Scooba Power Supply
(1) Virtual Wall (batteries not included)
Documentation
Owner’s Manual

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Price: $179.99

I want one!

Error – Cuteness Overflow - $10.00

Thu, 02 Sep 2010 05:00:03 GMT

Hey, you’re pretty good with computers, right?

Can you help me with something? It’s kind of embarrassing.

So first off, I have no idea how it happened, but I got this virus thing on my computer and it’s really messing me up. Can you take a look at it and maybe help me delete it? Well let me show you: it happens every time I get on the internet. Just fire up IE6.

What? It’s the browser I like and it works the best!

Anyway, I normally don’t look at anything like this so I have no idea how I got this, okay? But it instantly opens all these pop-ups to these sites: bears with cupcakes, adorable whales, cute little pandas, a rainbow-spouting elephant, ugh!

So you can fix it? Really? Oh my god, that’s so awesome. I will totally buy you lunch or something; nevermind that your normal billable hours would be roughly six times that.

Just for future reference, so I can block it or something, do you know which site gave me the virus? I mean I’m not going to visit it, I just want to know.

Wear this shirt: If you’re an adorable IT gal solving networking issues and looking cute doing it.

Don’t wear this shirt: If you’re one of those surly IT types who’s only trying to make life regret choosing you.

This shirt tells the world: “Why yes, I do have very large stack variables. Thanks for noticing.”

We call this color: Alt-Ctrl-Grass

Design Placement: Centered

Design Size:
3X – S12” x 13.89”:
WXL - K4: 9” x 10.42”

Pantone Colors: White - 101C - 298C - 1915C - 1375C - 477C

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Price: $10.00

I want one!

Sushi Chef 5 piece Sushi Kit - $19.99

Thu, 02 Sep 2010 05:00:02 GMT

Mama-san always said life is like a bento box of sushi

You never know what that pink squishy thing in the middle is

A man has to know how to provide for himself in this world. Self-sufficiency, that’s the name of the game. Except it’s the game of life. And it’s no game.

If you can’t do for yourself, what are you? You’re like a baby. Or someone else’s pet. And not even a useful pet, like a guard dog or a wool-bearing llama, but something purely decorative, like a goldfish or a pug. These are the things you must be able to find or manufacture on your own: Food, water, shelter, and a basic HTML page.

Food is important because without it, you could starve. But cooking is hard. Although some people say “cooking” when they really just mean “assembling a meal.” Like they might say they “cooked dinner” even if dinner was tuna salad sandwiches. These people are stupid and wrong. But it’s OK to keep some of them as friends anyway, if only for the tuna salad sandwiches.

Fortunately, there is a perfectly good method for preparing a perfectly delicious meal while steering perfectly clear of stoves, grills, braziers and other dangerous and mysterious cooking implements with a tendency to become, in the words of Buster Poindexter, hot, hot, hot. And the name of this method is Sushi Chef Five-Piece Sushi Kit.

“But wine.woot product description,” some of you might say, “even if a lot of sushi is made with raw fish, plenty of it is also cooked, and anyway there’s no way to prepare extra fancy short grain rice without cooking it.”

Fools! Of course there is. It just takes a lot longer and is not nearly as tasty. And sure, obviously, you can make sushi out of other stuff besides raw fish. You can use barbecued eel, or avocado and cucumber, or almost anything you want.

I say again: You can. I guess you never heard the expression “once burned, twice learned.” By the simple math of that charming, rhyming idiom, I have learned thirty-two times to stay away from stoves.

Therefore, I’m going to stick with raw fish, freshly harvested by me from area waterways, transported on the bus to my lean-to of reclaimed aluminum where I live in perfect freedom, and deliciously dressed with soy sauce and wasabi.

See, there’s no reason the self-reliant life can’t also be one of refined comforts. Sometimes the finer things and the simple things are, like, the same things. So sure, I may bathe less frequently than your average bourgeois middle-class specimen of button-down mutton. But when it comes to luxury and liberty?

I roll my own.

Features:

Create your own Japanese style sushi at home
Roll Sushi like a Pro
Kit contains all the basic ingredients and utensils to allow you to make a variety of delicious and exotic sushi (you provide the fresh ingredients for the filling)

Package Contents:

Bamboo Rolling Mat & Paddle - The bamboo mat is used for rolling Nori (toasted seaweed sheets) around cooked and seasoned short grain rice in sushi preparation. The paddle is used to stir rice and seasonings in sushi preparation, as well as a basic kitchen utensil
Nori (Toasted Seaweed) - The seaweed used to prepare Nori is harvested in quiet, pristine inlets, whose waters and tides are not too cold or harsh to grow this flavorful delicate seaweed. It is usually produced from the first of several seasonal crops, and therefore the iron content is high. Nori is eaten without any preparation as a wrapping to sushi, and therefore, Sushi Chef's flavorful, light quality is essential.
Short Grain Rice - This flavorful Japanese style sticky rice has a mild taste and aroma. It does not fluff like long grain rice, but sticks, making it ideal for use in sushi. Besides its use in Japanese cuisine, this type of rice is also used in cooking many other types of dishes including risottos and rice puddings.
Wasabi Powder - This is a very potent type of Japanese horseradish powder. Wasabi is mixed with water to form a very strongly flavored paste. Sushi Chef Wasabi is of the highest quality available from Japan, which is evidenced by its pungency and mild green color. Wasabi can be used as a powerful condiment with many meat and fish dishes, as well as an addition to sauces and marinades.
Dark Soy Sauce - This pungent sauce is one of the cornerstones of Japanese cuisine, lending a distinctive and piquant flavoring to many foods. Sushi Chef Soy Sauce is made from the slow brewing of carefully selected roasted soybeans and wheat. It is one of the few soy sauces available that is 100% natural. Its flavor is much stronger than other soys and makes a marvelous base for sauces and marinades.

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Price: $19.99

I want one!

Epson Workforce 600 Wireless All-in-One Printer - $54.99

Thu, 02 Sep 2010 05:00:01 GMT

An Old Joke

Man walks into a bar. Orders an Epson Workforce 600 Wireless AIO Printer soup.

Waiter sets it down and walks away. Man yells out “Waiter! Waiter!” Waiter comes over and says “Yes, sir? Is something wrong with your 5-in-1 printing, copying, scanning, photowork and faxing?”

Man says “Taste this Epson Workforce 600 Wireless AIO Printer soup.”

Waiter says “Oh, maybe you don’t like the flavor of the built-in Wi-Fi and Ethernet to work? Is that the problem? I could have the chef make you something else if you’d like.”

Man says “Just taste this Epson Workforce 600 Wireless AIO Printer soup.”

Waiter says “Is it the way it uses three times less power than a laser printer? Maybe you’d like something that guzzles down more power and raised your bill?”

Man says “Taste the Epson Workforce 600 Wireless AIO Printer soup.”

Waiter says “Oh, could it be the built-in memory card slots? I know some people don’t like built-in memory card slots. Or maybe it’s the 2.5 inch LCD screen. Tell you what, I could just take it back and get the chef to fish those out for you and-”

Man interrupts. “No!” It’s not the built-in memory card or the power footprint or the Wi-Fi or the Ethernet or the 5-in-1 capabilities or any of the other features! Just please, taste this Epson Workforce 600 Wireless AIO Printer soup!”

So the waiter gives up and says he’ll taste the soup. He reaches down, looks around, and then turns the the man and says “Where’s the spoon?”

And the man says “Aha!”

Except instead of a spoon, it’s a USB cable. Sorry about that.

Authorized for SquareTrade Extended Warranty

Warranty: 90 Day Epson

Condition: Refurbished

Features:

5 in 1 with WiFi: Print / Copy / Scan / Photo / Fax
Draft speeds up to 38 ppm (black and color)
Laser quality documents about 2x faster
Wi-Fi and Ethernet networking built in
Smudge, fade, water resistant, highlighter friendly
Uses up to 3x less power than a laser printer
Fax and 30-page ADF
Built-in memory card slots and 2.5-inch LCD

Additional Photos:

Package Contents
Scanner Bed with Lid Open
Epson Display Face
MicroCard Slots / USB / Power
Ports

Technical Specification

Printing Technology 4-color (CMYK) drop-on-demand MicroPiezo® ink jet technology
Ink Palette Cyan, Magenta, Yellow and Black
Ink Cartridge Configuration 4 individual ink cartridges
Ink Type DURABrite® Ultra pigment ink (smudge, fade and water resistant, highlighter friendly)
Fade Resistance / Print Longevity Up to 105 years
Minimum Ink Droplet Size 3 droplet sizes, as small as 2 picoliters
Maximum Print Resolution 5760 x 1440 optimized dpi
Print Speed1 Black text up to 38 ppm
Color text up to 38 ppm
Laser quality black text up to 27 ppm
Laser quality color text up to 19 ppm
Copy Speed1 Black up to 38 cpm
Color up to 38 cpm
Fax Specifications Black-and-white and color
Modem: 33.6 Kbps — as fast as 3 sec per page
Memory: Up to 180 pages
Speed dials: 60 (max.)
Scanner Type Color flatbed
Photoelectric Device Color CIS line sensor
Optical Resolution 2400 dpi
Hardware Resolution 2400 x 2400 dpi
Maximum Resolution 9600 x 9600 dpi interpolated
Scanner Bit Depth 48-bit color / 24-bit output
Copy Quality Color: Black/White, Draft: Normal
Copy Quantity 1 – 99 (PC-free)
Maximum Copy Size 8.5” x 11” (PC-free)
Copy Features Fit to page, automatic reduction and enlargement (25 – 400%), adjustable copy density
PC-free Printing Print all photos, photo index sheet, color photo restoration,scan to PDF, scan to memory card, Auto Photo Correction, print your own school papers, college-ruled, wide-ruled and graph papers, personalized stationery with and without lines
Automatic Document Feeder 30 sheets
Color Preview Monitor 2.5” tilt LCD
Built-in Memory Card Slots Compatibility CompactFlash®, Microdrive®, Memory Stick®, Memory Stick Duo™ (adapter required), MagicGate™ Memory Stick, MagicGate Memory Stick Duo™ (adapter required), Memory Stick PRO™, Memory Stick Pro Duo™ (adapter required),Secure Digital (SD™), SDHC™, mini SD™ (adapter required), mini SDHC™ (adapter required),micro SD™ (adapter required), micro SDHC™ (adapter required), MultiMediaCard™, xD-Picture Card™, xD-Picture Card Type-M, xD-Picture Card Type-H
Direct Camera Connection Front PictBridge port (print from digital cameras and mobile phones, PC-free)
Supported Digital Camera Technologies Epson PRINT Image Matching®, Exif Print, DPOF
PC-free Filters and Image Enhancements Auto Photo Correction, sepia, black and white, red-eye removal
PC-free Paper Support Plain (8.5” x 11”), Photo (4” x 6”, 5” x 7”, 8” x 10”, 8.5” x 11”, 16:9 wide)
Maximum Paper Size 8.5” x 44”
Paper Sizes 3.5” x 5”, 4” x 6”, 5” x 7”, 8” x 10”, 8.5” x 11”, A4, B5, A5, A6, half letter, executive, user definable (3.5” – 44” in length)
Borderless Photo Sizes 3.5” x 5”, 4” x 6”, 5” x 7”, 8” x 10”, 8.5” x 11”, A4, 16:9 wide
Paper Types Supports plain paper, Epson Bright White Paper, Photo Paper Glossy, Premium Photo Paper Glossy, Ultra Premium Photo Paper Glossy, Premium Photo Paper Semi-gloss, Presentation Paper Matte, Premium Presentation Paper Matte, Premium Presentation Paper Matte Double-sided, and Matte Scrapbook Photo Paper (letter)
Envelope Types No. 10, DL, C6; plain paper, bond paper, air mail
Input Paper Capacity 100 sheets plain paper, 10 envelopes
Recommended Ink Cartridges (Epson recommends using Epson Ink) 97 Extra High-capacity Black or 68 High-capacity Black or 69 Black, 69 Cyan, 69 Magenta, 69 Yellow, 68 Cyan 68 Magenta, 68 Yellow
Weight and Dimensions (W x D x H) Printing: 18.1” x 22.1” x 12.0” Storage: 18.1” x 13.6” x 9.3”Weight: 18.3 lb.
Connectivity Hi-Speed USB 2.0
Wireless Wi-Fi (802.11 b/g) — Compatible with 802.11n
Wired Ethernet (10/100 Mbps)
Color Management Auto Photo Correction, Epson Vivid Color™, Adobe RGB and ICM
Sound Level 39 dB
Temperature Operating: 50 ° to 95 °F (10 ° to 35 °C) Storage: -4 ° to 140 °F (-20 ° to 40 °C) Relative Humidity Operating: 20 – 80% Storage: 5 – 85% (no condensation)
Safety Approvals Safety standards UL60950, CSA C22.2 No. 60950 EMI FCC Part 15 subpart B class B, CAN/CSA-CEI/IEC CISPR 22 class B
Telecom Regulations FCC Part 68 (U.S.A.), IC/CS03 (Canada)
System Requirements: Operating Systems Windows Vista®, XP, XP Professional x64, 2000 Mac OS® X 10.3.9, 10.4.11 and 10.5.x
Power Requirements: Rated voltage: 100 – 120 VAC Rated frequency: 50 – 60 Hz Rated current: 0.6 Am

In the box:

Epson Workforce 600 Wireless AIO Printer
Epson 69 cartridges- 1 each of BLACK / YELLOW / CYAN / MAGENTA
Power Supply Cord
RJ-45 Ethernet Cable
RJ-11 Phone Cable
WorkForce 600 Series Software CD Driver: includes Epson Scan, Arc Soft Print Creations, Abbyy Fine Reader Sprint Plus, Epson Web-To-Page and Epson Information Center
Instruction Manuals
(DOES NOT INCLUDE USB CABLE)

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Price: $54.99

I want one!

T.K.O. - $10.00

Wed, 01 Sep 2010 05:00:08 GMT

‘Tops Rank

These two warriors have a long history together with a lot of bad blood between them. Should be a great fight!

Of course, everyone remembers the infamous biting incident, when Rex savagely tore into Triceratops’s ear and lost the fight on a technicality. Triceratops has had some drama of his own recently, with those charges that he dodged the draft during his radical period, when he was known as Torosaurus Ali.

Each dinosaur has something to prove here tonight. Now it all comes to a head in the ring, with the opening bell- and Triceratops comes out punching! A right! A left! Another right! And just like that, T. Rex is down! That just proves something that Ferdie “The Fight Pterodactyl” Dundee said to me once: it’s not so much the height advantage that matters, it’s the reach!

Wear this shirt: to show those namby-pamby paleontologists that Triceratops still rules.

Don’t wear this shirt: if you have to pull it on over your bony neck frill and three large, pointy horns. It’ll never survive.

This shirt tells the world: “Float like a butterfly, sting like a ceratopsid.”

We call this color: Black Thunder Lizard.

Design Placement: Centered

Design Size:
3X – S: 12” x 17.34”
WXL - K4: 9” x 13”

Pantone Colors: 7499C - 5635C - 403C - 1788C - 646C - 5185C

Discuss this product

Price: $10.00

I want one!

Peachy Canyon 2007 Snow Vineyard Zinfandel - 3 Pack - $59.99

Wed, 01 Sep 2010 05:00:07 GMT

Ladies and gentlemen, the Bongo Congo is very proud to present a one of a kind woman.

All the way from Paso Robles, Miss Peachy Canyon!

This fiery vixen’s packing a Peachy Canyon 2007 Snow Vineyard Zinfandel 3-Pack and boys, her production’s growing every year. Her Zinfandel grapes have plenty of curves and yes, she’s got 5% Petite Sirah AND she’s happy to see you.

She’s got everything you want in the Zin next door: aromas of strawberries, flavors of raspberries, and those beautiful bright cherry red colors. A true gentleman will also notice her subtle hints of vanilla and spice. I know what you’re thinking and yes, those barrels were racked twice during 18 months of aging in good ol’ American Oak.

And there she goes, ladies and gentlemen! The kind of Zinfandel you’d bring home to your mother after a night on the town! Peachy Canyon!

2007 Snow Zinfandel:

Appellation: Paso Robles
Composition: 95% Zinfandel , 5% Petite Sirah
Vineyard: Snow Vineyard Zinfandel, Mustard Creek Petite Sirah
Alcohol: 14.9%
Harvest Brix Ave.: 25.5 - 26.5
Res. Sugar: .06
Harvest Dates: 9/6/07 - 9/30/07
Bottling Date: 3/3/09
Case Production: 685

This wine is full of traditional zinfandel characteristics. Various aromas and flavor of strawberries and raspberries that match the cherry red color followed by hints of light vanilla and spice. A very well balanced wine. Unfiltered

Rules and restrictions:

Wine sold by winery (or a retailer in your state where necessary)
You must be 21 or older to order
Whoever receives the package must be 21 or older
If you're drunk when the package shows up, you will not be allowed to receive it
Wine cannot be delivered to a P.O. Box
We highly recommend you use a business address as your shipping address

Thanks to stick-in-the-mud buzzkilling state legislators, wine may only be delivered to the following states:

Arizona
California
Colorado
Connecticut
District Of Columbia
Florida
Georgia
Idaho
Illinois
Iowa
Kansas
Louisiana
Michigan
Minnesota
Missouri
Nebraska
Nevada
New Hampshire
New Mexico
New York
North Carolina
Ohio
Oregon
South Carolina
Tennessee
Texas
Washington
West Virginia
Wisconsin
Wyoming

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Price: $59.99

I want one!

Schwinn 860 Treadmill - $799.99

Wed, 01 Sep 2010 05:00:06 GMT

For The Schwinn

That new guy Chris from Accounts Payable seems to be awful lonely sitting there in the lunch room. Why don’t you go introduce yourself?

Just stroll on up to the seat next to him and give him a hearty “Hey there, buddy!”, then have a seat. “Whatcha got there? Tuna Salad?”

Chris won’t answer. He’ll just keep chewing very slowly, clutching his sandwich with both hands next to his mouth and staring at the same small crack in the wall just like he does everyday. Don’t take offence. It’s tough for new people to come out of their shell. Instead, laugh and say something like “Not much of a talker, huh?” That’ll let him know that you’re committed to this new found friendship for as long as your lunch hour will allow.

“So hey, how are you liking the new gig? You get placed on any committees yet? You know, Tom and Barbara are on MY committee and, lemme tell you, it’s AMAZING.” It doesn’t matter that he probably has no idea who Tom and Barbara are. Letting him know that there are other good people just like you working here might make him a little more at ease.

Or, at least, it would if he’d acknowledge your presence at all. Hmm. This Chris character is proving a tough nut to crack. Better try talking to him about something other than work.

“Yeah, yeah, I hear you, my silent companion. It’s just a job. Puts food on the table and beer in the fridge, am I right? You just slog through it to get to the things you really want to do, that’s what I always say. Me? It’s all about the moment I get out that door, you know? That’s when I really come alive. I get home, crack open a brew, fire up the old comp-u-tron, and ‘troll me some Internets’ or whatever the kids say. You got any hobbies?”

Chris will stop chewing, swallow, and, without looking away from the crack, say, “I like to run.” Success! You totally deserve that pudding cup you stole from your son’s lunch bag this morning.

“Running, huh? You know, my wife always tells me I should be more act…”

“I bought one of those Schwinn Treadmills. Softrak suspension deck, Multi-color Backlit LCD and Dual Window Display, Integrated grip and telemetric heart rate system with an included chest belt, the whole bit. It’s even got a place for me to put a bottle.” It’s kind of amazing the way he tells you all this in a low consistent monotone. You should compliment him on it the moment it stops creeping you out.

“Well, that certainly sounds like quite the fancy…”

“I’M NOT FINISHED.” You may notice the tuna salad seeping out of the edges of his sandwich as his hands ball up into fists. Do not panic. This is probably just how he opens up to new people. Everyone’s different, after all.

“Every night, I turn on the powerful 3.0 horsepower continuous duty motor, flip on the 2-speed blower fan, and I run. But the twenty workout programs? They don’t do anything for me. Not like my memories do.

“Some nights, it’s like I’m fourteen again and I’m racing to the train yard to jump on the next freight out of town and away from Daddy’s fists. Other nights, I’m running at a 12° incline towards the burning car that my fiancee was trapped in, hoping that this might be the time I’m able to free her before it explodes. And then there are the awful nights, the ones where I’m desperately trying to escape that hotel before the cops find that hooker’s body BUT I DIDN’T DO IT, YOU UNDERSTAND, I WAS FRAMED BY THE SAME PEOPLE THAT KILLED MARCIE. YOU BELIEVE ME, RIGHT?”

For the love of everything you hold dear, smile and say “Yes.”

“But I’ll tell you this much. Most nights? Most nights, I’m just running from myself.”

The silence between the two of you after all that will be awkward, sure, but not as much as when he begins to suck the tuna salad off his fingers with a loud slurping sound. That’s when you’ll notice the warm, wet sensation in your groin. Now would probably be the best time to excuse yourself from the lunch table and let Tom and Barbara know you’re not going to make the committee meeting this afternoon. But hey, you’ve made a new friend!

Warranty: 10 Years on Frame, 10 Years on Motor, 2 Years on Parts, 1 Year on Electronics, 90 Day on Wear Parts

Condition: New

Features:

Powerful 3.0 horsepower continuous duty motor
Generous walking/running surface area (20” x 58”)
Softrak suspension deck reduces impact to joints
Folding convenience with SoftDrop technology
Multi-color Backlit LCD, Dual Window Display
Integrated heart rate programming - grip heartrate sensor and wireless chest strap
5.4 KHz telemetry enabled wireless chest band heart rate transmitter (battery included)
Unique 2 speed integrated fan design combines convenience and comfort
20 workout programs including 9 course profiles, 4 heart rate controlled programs, 5k and 10k courses, and 2 custom workouts
Max Incline 12°
Max Speed 12 MPH
Magazine rack and bottle holder
Transport wheels

Exercise Programs:

Quick Start (Manual Program)
Profile Courses:
- 3 Course
- 3 Circuit
- 3 Pursuit
Calorie Goal
5K Course
10K Course
2 Customer User Programs
Heart Rate Controlled:
- Target HR
- 65% Max
- 75% Max
- 85% Max

Additional Photos:

Schwinn Treadmill at Minimum Incline (Horizontal)
Schwinn Treadmill at Maximum Incline (12°)
Schwinn Treadmill in Space Saving Position
Control Panel (Powered On)
Side Grips, Telemetric Heart Rate System Grips, and Control Panel
Telemetric Heart Rate System Chest Belt (Included)
Package Contents

Product Video:

Schwinn 860 Treadmill

Product Specifications:

Number of workout programs: 20
Maximum speed: 12 mph / 19 kph
Maximum incline: 12°
Horsepower: 3.0 HP (CD)
Heart rate monitor: Grip heartrate sensor; telemetry-enabled with chest strap
Dimensions: 78” x 34” x 54” (198 cm x 86 cm x 137 cm)
Surface size: 20” x 58” (51 cm x 147 cm)
Belt Thickness: 1.4mm
Frame Type: Folding SoftDrop System
Machine Weight: 345 lbs (156kg)
Maximum User Weight: 300 lbs (136 kg)
Display Type: Multi-color backlit LDC, Dual window
Integrated Features: SoftTrak deck suspension, Water bottle holders, Switchable from miles to km, Blower fan, Magazine rack, Transport wheels

In the box:

(1) Schwinn 860 Treadmill

Product Note: Some assembly required. No additional tools needed.

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Price: $799.99

I want one!

Hook & Ladder - 3 Pack - $54.99

Tue, 31 Aug 2010 05:00:11 GMT

Smoke Gets On Your Tongue

A new wine deal… on a Tuesday? Better call the Fire Department, because all Hell is breaking loose.

We’re ablaze with excitement on this, the first Tuesday of our five-deals-a-week schedule. Lucky for us we’ve got former San Francisco firefighter Cecil De Loach on hand, with three bottles of his Hook & Ladder reds to douse our smoldering passions. Sure, he retired to the Russian River Valley in 1970 to pursue a career in winemaking with his wife Christine. But firefighting is probably the kind of skill that once you learn, you never forget, like riding a bike or shoplifting or tying a cherry stem into a knot with your tongue.

Or making acclaimed, noteworthy wines. Cecil & Christine produced under the De Loach label until they sold it and moved on. But when they heard the alarm bells ringing, they answered the call once again with Hook & Ladder. Thanks to the winemaking skills of their son Jason, the De Loaches’ current venture is a small-scale winery specializing in exceptional wines crafted from high-quality grapes, with the expertise that only comes from 40 years of grape-growing and winemaking experience.

The Hook & Ladder 2008 “Third Alarm” Reserve Pinot Noir is the kind of wine that’ll have you sliding down a pole to get to, a fog-born, small-batch, open-top, hand-punched inferno of black cherry, vanilla, raspberry, and oak elegance. But don’t turn your back on the 2008 “Third Alarm” Reserve Cabernet Sauvignon, lest you be consumed by its raging deep cherry, cocoa, black pepper, and currant character. Then, just when you think it’s safe to cap off the hydrant, the 2008 Estate Cabernet Franc blazes up with a rich bouquet of leather and oak and a sophisticated palate of cherry, chocolate, and truffle, just perfect for rich, grilled game and other meats.

Now that we think about it, all the Hook & Ladder wine splashing around isn’t doing a thing to dampen our excitement. We should’ve known that throwing wine on a fire only makes the flames higher.

2008 "Third Alarm" Reserve Pinot Noir:

Harvested: August 29th – September 10th 2008
Alcohol %: 14.5
pH: 3.78
Total Acidity: .61
Case Production: 250
Release Date: Summer 2010
Winemaker: Jason De Loach

After 11 months in barrel, this Pinot displays aromatic ripe black cherry and vanilla, with notes of allspice. The black cherry flavor is complimented by hints of raspberry and oak, with a long finish. This full-bodied Pinot Noir is elegant and seductive.

2008 "Third Alarm" Reserve Cabernet Sauvignon:

Harvested: September 24th – October 4th , 2008
Alcohol %: 14.5
pH: 3.46
Total Acidity: .73
Case Production: 273
Release Date: Fall 2010
Winemaker: Jason De Loach

Our rich purple Cabernet exhibits a myriad of aromas including black cherry, cocoa, and raspberry. The initial deep cherry flavor is complimented by finishes of the cocoa and black pepper. A vibrant mouth feel of currants, spicy mixed berries is followed by a supple and smooth finish. Ready to enjoy now, or keep it in the cellar to share later!

2008 Estate Cabernet Franc:

Harvested: September 9th – September 29th, 2008
Alcohol %: 14.5
pH: 3.46
Total Acidity: .75
Case Production: 291
Release Date: Fall 2010
Winemaker: Jason De Loach

This elegant Cabernet Franc has an intense depth of color; dark purple to black. A rich bouquet of leather and oak complements the sophisticated aromas of cherry, chocolate and truffles. Excellent for any meal with game (elk, venison, duck, etc.) and other rich meats

Rules and restrictions:

Wine sold by winery (or a retailer in your state where necessary)
You must be 21 or older to order
Whoever receives the package must be 21 or older
If you're drunk when the package shows up, you will not be allowed to receive it
Wine cannot be delivered to a P.O. Box
We highly recommend you use a business address as your shipping address

Thanks to stick-in-the-mud buzzkilling state legislators, wine may only be delivered to the following states:

Arizona
California
Colorado
District Of Columbia
Florida
Georgia
Idaho
Illinois
Iowa
Kansas
Michigan
Minnesota
Missouri
Nevada
New Hampshire
New Mexico
New York
North Carolina
Ohio
Oregon
South Carolina
Tennessee
Texas
Washington
Wisconsin
Wyoming

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Price: $54.99

I want one!

NightLife - $10.00

Tue, 31 Aug 2010 05:00:11 GMT

If It Can Make Itself There, It Could Make Itself Anywhere

Of course it’s alive. Why wouldn’t it be?

Eukaryotes have one cell, and we consider them life. Sponges have lots of cells and we consider them life, even if only life used in the bathroom to wipe away the eukaryotes that are messing up the tile. Little teeny bugs have millions of cells, and we certainly consider them life. Who among us hasn’t yelled “I’LL KILL YOU WHEN I FIND YOU” to an irritating mosquito?

So why then is it so hard to imagine that a city, made up of millions of people, is any less alive? It has to consume, it has to excrete, it has areas that go bad and areas that thrive, the orders come from City Hall, the food comes through the shipping port, there’s a circulation system of pipes and streets and if you’re in the wrong sports jersey, you’re treated like an allergen.

Just because you can’t see the invisible hands doesn’t mean they aren’t guiding you.

Wear this shirt: if your apartment is in the middle of a skyscraper and you’re being followed. Who would guess that your shirt would also be a map? It’s an ingenious double-bluff!

Don’t wear this shirt: upside down. Then it would look more like purple-blue mountains against the night sky. Also, you’d have your waist through the neck hole and that’s just never going to be fashionable. If it hasn’t happened in the last two thousand years, it’s not going to happen.

This shirt tells the world: “What do you mean, my policy doesn’t cover fresh moon drippings? I’m going to have to redo the whole roof!”

We call this color: Asphalt Asphalt Everywhere So A Drop To Drink Costs $9.50. It’s Just Part Of City Living.

Design Placement: Centered

Design Size:
3X – S: 12.89” x 19”
WXL - WS: 9.67” x 14.25”
K12 - K4: 8.48” x 12.5”

Pantone Colors: White - 102C - 3275C - 3035C - 513C - Black

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Price: $10.00

I want one!

Buckyballs 216 Piece Rare Earth Magnetic Set – 2 Pack - $27.99

Tue, 31 Aug 2010 05:00:10 GMT

Buckin’ Magnets, How Do They Work?

If you’re 14 or older, Buckyballs promise hours of addictive magnetic fun! If you’re 13 or under, they promise fatal intestinal blockages!

When exactly does a child become an adult? Different societies have answered this question with different milestones: when a boy slaughters his first mammoth and drinks its blood, when a girl hosts her first monthly visit from Aunt Rose, when a Vulcan survives for ten days in the desert without food or water.

Now the Consumer Product & Safety Commission has settled it once and for all: a child is an adult when they can be trusted not to accidentally swallow tiny but powerful magnets. This past spring, the CPSC told the Buckyballs people that they had to yank their compulsively play-withable little magnetic to- uh, “desk decorations” to re-label them “Keep Away From All Children”. It seems the previous label of “Ages 13+” did not comply with consumer guidelines that “such powerful magnets are not sold for children under 14”, because even 13-year-olds were liable to swallow them and suffer perforated or blocked intestines. Yep, that year from your 13th birthday to your 14th makes all the difference. “Consumers should take the Buckyballs® high powered magnets away from children under 14 immediately,” quoth the CPSC. Kids swallow the darnedest things!

The rest of us are still free to enjoy Buckyballs at their balliest. Stack them, build with them, marvel at their intense bond and infinite pliability, or just knead them like that mouse in Lenny’s pocket without the tragic results. (Kneading them inside your mouth would lead to a different kind of tragedy.) Deskizens in offices all over this land are, at this very moment, compulsively combining and recombining Buckyballs to escape the dreary lifelessness of their cubicles. Keep them out of your mouth and you should be fine. But for God’s sake, whatever you do, remember to put them away for Bring Your Daughter To Work Day.

Warranty: 90 Day Woot Limited Warranty

Condition: New

Recommended Ages: 14 Years +

Product Warning: KEEP AWAY FROM ALL CHILDREN! Do not put in nose or mouth. Swallowed magnets can stick together across intestines causing serious infections and death. Seek medical attention if magnets are swallowed or inhaled. Buckyballs should be kept away from electrical or magnetic devices, including but not limited to credit cards, hard drives, or pacemakers. If a Buckyball should become damaged or cracked, discontinue use immediately.

Features:

Tired of those boring desk toys that only do one thing?
A whole new breed of adult toys with limitless possibilities is here
Buckyballs can be shaped, molded, torn apart and snapped together in unlimited ways
Buckyballs are all about fun and require little more than kneading them in your hands
Make sculptures, puzzles, patterns, shapes, stick stuff to the fridge, or even invent a new game
Each set contains 216 powerful Rare Earth Magnets (432 magnets total)
Each Buckyball has two poles – one side repels, the other attracts
Each Buckyball is approximately 0.5 cm in diameter
Includes a BuckyBasics Quick Start Sheet to help you get started making basic shapes
Featured in Rolling Stone, People, Maxim, Esquire Magazine… people just can’t stop talking about Buckyballs
See Buckyballs in action! (Click Me)

Additional Photos:

Woot! Design
Spiral Design
Package Contents: (2) 216-Piece Buckyballs Sets and (2) Carrying Cases
Packaging

In the box:

(2) Maxfield & Oberton 216 Piece Original Buckyballs Sets
(2) Carrying Cases
(2) BuckyBasics Quick Start Sheets

Recall Notice: Maxfield & Oberton voluntarily recalled Buckyballs High Powered Magnets earlier this year because their packaging was labeled "Ages 13+" and this did not meet the mandatory toy standard F963-08. The firm received only two reports of injestion and there are no known resulting injuries. For more information: Click Here.

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Price: $27.99

I want one!

Be My Chum - $10.00

Mon, 30 Aug 2010 05:00:23 GMT

“Slow ahead, if you please.”

You heard him, slow ahead!

Slow ahead…I can go slow ahead! Why don’t you come down here and shovel some of this slop? This stuff looks like a Hello Kitty Hindenburg and it smells like cupcakes and smiles. I’m tellin’ you-

Woah.

You’re gonna need a cuter boat.

“Shut off that engine!”

“That’s a 20-footer!”

“25. Three tons of ‘dorbs.”

You’re gonna need a cuter boat, right?

Wear this shirt: If you’re the painfully-introverted type looking for some help making friends.

Don’t wear this shirt: In the water at dusk and dawn. That’s when sharks feed, and sharks find ironic death to be the most delicious prey of all.

This shirt tells the world: “Odds are like 80/20 that I have multiple Sanrio wall clings in my room.”

We call this color: 18,000 pound Baby Blue Bite Force

Design Placement: Centered

Design Size:
3X – S: 11” x 12.76”
WXL - K4: 8.25” x 9.57”

Pantone Colors: White - 1795C - Cool Gray 5C - 416C - 418C - Black

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Price: $10.00

I want one!

Wellington 2006 Merlot - 4 Pack - $49.99

Mon, 30 Aug 2010 05:00:22 GMT

A Change Is Gonna Come

Let’s all raise a glass to the beginning of a new era in Wine Wooting!

Back in the Summer of ‘06, a bunch of us were sitting around our warehouse full of gadgets and gizmos just admiring the sheer amount of crap people will buy for the right price when someone said, “Man, you know what would be great? Some wine. I really wish we had some wine around here.”

“What an incredible idea!” Matt Rutledge exclaimed. “We could start a new web site and feature great wines at an unbelievable price to our customer base. We’ll start small, of course. Perhaps we’ll only sell one wine a week at first. Then, if it catches on, we’ll go to three days a week. Heck, maybe we’ll even throw in some tasty food items or some wine-related gadgets, too! Why, one day, maybe we can even start featuring five deals a week! Wouldn’t that be swell?”

“Yeah, that sounds great,” said the idea man, “but I was thinking, you know, maybe we could drink some now. See, I’ve got this flask here with a little merlot in it I like to sip on through the day. Care for some?”

Sadly, this visionary, whose name cannot be revealed for legal reasons, was promptly fired for drinking on the job. His shapeless wish, however, was given life in the form of Wine.Woot.

Four years later, we’re still going strong with quality wines and a tremendous community. Now it’s time we take the next step. Don’t be scared. Here, hold our hand.

Starting today, we’re going to be moving to five Wine Woots a week instead of three. From Monday through Thursday, you’ll be getting daily deals, and then a three-day weekend deal on Friday. To celebrate these changes, we’re featuring a four-pack of wine that was born in the same summer Wine.Woot began, the Wellington 2006 Sonoma Valley Merlot.

This full bodied and supple red will be a fine addition to your Autumnal stews, roasts, and pasta. There are lots of fruits and spice on the nose and in the flavor, as well, including deep berry and cherry, brown sugar, cinnamon, and hints of chocolate, black tea, tobacco and cedar. Excellent to drink now or save for the next 2-5 years, when we will no doubt change our wine-deal schedule again.

But remember, you only have until the end of today to purchase this Wellington 2006 Sonoma Valley Merlot 4-pack. We don’t mean to rush you or anything, but it’s not like we’re getting any younger.

Wellington 2006 Sonoma Valley Merlot:

Wine composition: 93% Merlot, 5% Petit Verdot, 2% Cabernet Franc
13.9% alcohol
pH of 3.55
Production: 1013 cases
Release date: February, 2010

The nose has deep blackberry, blueberry and cherry aromas, brown sugar/caramel, lots of brown spice (cinnamon and nutmeg) with hints of chocolate, black tea, tobacco and cedar. The fruit is spot-on ripe, with neither any greenness nor raisin. The entry is full bodied and supple, but with enough acid to keep it clean and focused. The flavors echo the aromas – lots of fruit and spice. The finish is clean and dry with good length. This vintage has a bit more tannin than the previous couple of years and has good potential to develop with aging over the next 2-5 years. This wine will pair nicely with stews, pot roast, and Toby’s favorite-spinach farfalle pasta w/lots of pine nuts.

Rules and restrictions:

Wine sold by winery (or a retailer in your state where necessary)
You must be 21 or older to order
Whoever receives the package must be 21 or older
If you're drunk when the package shows up, you will not be allowed to receive it
Wine cannot be delivered to a P.O. Box
We highly recommend you use a business address as your shipping address

Thanks to stick-in-the-mud buzzkilling state legislators, wine may only be delivered to the following states:

Arizona
California
Colorado
Connecticut
District Of Columbia
Florida
Georgia
Idaho
Illinois
Iowa
Kansas
Louisiana
Michigan
Minnesota
Missouri
Nebraska
Nevada
New Mexico
New York
North Carolina
North Dakota
Ohio
Oregon
South Carolina
Tennessee
Texas
Vermont
Virginia
Washington
West Virginia
Wisconsin
Wyoming

Discuss this product

Price: $49.99

I want one!

Sanyo 52” 120Hz 1080p LCD HDTV - $799.99

Mon, 30 Aug 2010 05:00:21 GMT

Checking In

Hi there, citizen. My name is R. Scott Franklin and I just became mayor of your house. May I come in?

Sorry, friend. I’m afraid I can’t “get off your porch” before you “call the cops”. As you can clearly see by taking a look at my phone, I have a duty to this house to fulfill. Now, if you’ll excuse me…

Yikes. Already I can see we’re going to have to work at streamlining the infrastructure around here. Your furniture is sprawling out of control. Looks like you’ve got some traffic problem getting in and out of the bathroom over here. Let’s take a look in the fridge. Oh my. I don’t know how anyone could expect small businesses to put roots down in this house without a decent place to get something to eat. Looks like I’ve got a lot of work ahead of me.

First things first, though. We need to start getting more people interested in bringing their resources into your home. By the looks of your entertainment center, I imagine tourism around here is negligible at best, huh? No worries. As my first act as mayor, I’m going to authorize the purchase of a Sanyo 52” HDTV to help turn this house around. With all the sporting events, movies, and other media you’ll be able to watch on this Full HD 1080p LCD high-definition television, I’m willing to bet visitors will start coming by in droves. All we need is a few digital components to connect via the 3 HDMI inputs and some digital cable and this wall-mountable wonder will help us turn things around here in no time. And now that I’m thinking about it, we may want to grab a slightly smaller Sanyo HDTV for Bedroom County. I’m sure the budget can handle it. If not, I’ll just raise taxes.

Now then, let’s get started on our first budgetary committee meeting so that I can see what I’m dealing with. Where do you keep your account records? Please, sir. Enough with the threats. I know you may not have voted for me, but let’s not make this any more difficult. I’d really hate to become mayor of your face.

Authorized for SquareTrade Extended Warranty

Warranty: 90 Day Woot Limited Warranty

Condition: Refurbished

Features:

52” Diagonal Full HD 1080p LCD
Refresh Rate: 120 Hz
Integrated Digital Clear QAM ATSC + Analog NTSC Tuner
Receives ATSC signal formats (including 480i/p, 720p and 1080i/p) converted to 1080p display
3D Y/C Digital Comb Filter
3 HDMI (High Definition Multimedia Interface) input
Satellite and external antenna hookups
Thin space saving design and small footprint
V-Guide Parental Control
USB input
Vesa 400 x 400 Wall Mountable

Specifications

Energy Star compliant
Power: 120v AC, 60hz
Power Consumption: 240 Watts UL Rated
Native Panel Resolution: 1920 x 1080p pixels(WXGA)
Picture Brightness: 500 cd/m2
Contrast Ratio: 5000:1
Response Time: 6 ms
Viewing Angle: H:178 x V:178

Additional Features:

Digital Scanning Display: Receives ATSC signal formats (including 480i/p, 720p and 1080i/p) converted to 1080p display
Television Systems: NTSC, ATSC and Clear QAM
191 Total Channels
Universal 54 key remote control
Aspect ratio (Pix Shape): 7 (Pix 1-7)
7-Picture Menu:(5 Preset, Manual, Advanced Manual)
Comb Filter: 3D Y/C
Digital Noise Reduction
Dynamic Contrast (adjustment in Menu)
Expanded DNR
V Sharpness
Edge Enhancer
White Balance
3:2 Pull down
XDS Extended Data Service
Clock On Timer
On Screen Help Menu
RF Antenna Input: Analog/Digital-75 ohm
Speakers: Two (front) 6 x 12 cm
Sound Amplifier: Built in 10 W/ch
MTS/SAP Stereo Sound
Digital Audio Service (other languages if available)
4-Sound Menu: (Auto Preset, Standard Preset, Manual, Advanced Manual)
Bass/Treble Control
4-Band Equalizer
Closed Caption Compliant: NTSC-608, ATSC-708CC
Detachable Stand / Vesa 400 x 400 Wall Mountable (with optional kit not supplied)

Inputs:

3 HDMI (High Definition Multimedia Interface) input
2 Component (Y-Pb-Pr with R/L audio) inputs
1 PC-VGA D-Sub 15 pin with Mini Audio input
1 S-Video Input (overrides composite input)
1 Composite Input (V,L/R)
1 USB (with Photo Viewer)
1 Coaxial Digital Audio Output
1 Fixed Analog Audio Out (R/L)

Dimensions:

With stand: 49.7”W x 34.4”H x 141.6”D, 67.0 lbs.
Without stand: 49.7”W x 32.4”H x 5.0”D, 61.1 lbs

Additional Photos:

Sanyo 52" - Side View
Sanyo 52" - Inputs
Remote Control

In the box:

Sanyo 52” 1080p 120Hz LCD HDTV
Remote
Users Guide

Inset photo credit: nanpalmero

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Price: $799.99

I want one!

Viral Kawaii - $10.00

Sun, 29 Aug 2010 05:00:05 GMT

Diagnosis: SQUEE!

3rd place in Derby #161:Double-Take Derby 10, with 822 votes!

Well, Mr. Roberts, I have good news and bad news. The bad news? You’ve definitely got the Herp. The good news? It is, without a doubt, the cutest case I have ever seen EVAR!!! It’s so adorable that we may have to change the name to the “Huggy Squeezy Virus”! Seriously, I have never wanted to cuddle with a blistering sore so much in my entire life.

Now don’t get upset. This happens to a lot of folks. I’m going to prescribe a cream and a daily suppressant for you to keep the scorching power of ADORABLE from making your loins too uncomfortable. Also, on a more personal note, you might consider alerting any partners you’ve had in the last year about your cuddly-wuddly condition. My guess is you picked this up from an anthropomorphic rainbow, animal, or food item that may not know they’re carrying the virus.

Wear this shirt: on your first day at medical school.

Don’t wear this shirt: on your first day at the hand sanitizer factory.

This shirt tells the world: “I’m crawling with sickness! HUG ME!”

We call this color: The Bouncy Black Plague

Design Placement: Centered

Design Size:
3X – S: 12” x 4.53”
WXL - K4: 9” x 3.4”

Pantone Colors: White - 121C - 1365C - 191C - 7489C - 7451C

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Price: $10.00

I want one!

10.1" Netbook with 250GB Hard Drive and Windows 7 - $199.99

Sun, 29 Aug 2010 05:00:04 GMT

But Doctor… I Am A 10” Netbook

Uh, hey, everybody. Come on down to Clinically Depressed Freddy’s for my big netbook blowout. Or don’t, whatever. What difference does it make?

My therapist thought it might be good for me to offer the tri-state area’s craziest deals on Acer, eMachine, and Gateway 10” netbooks. I don’t know why. I don’t feel any better. But I guess it beats laying around in bed all day trying to come up with some reason to leave my house. Believe me, I know.

So anyway, we’ve got a variety of netbooks here, all with 250GB hard drives, Windows 7 pre-installed, and three USB ports. Their compact size probably comes in handy for people who, like, have things to do and places to go and some kind of purpose in life. Not that I would know. Actually, I kinda hate people like that.

Browse the web, enjoy your favorite multimedia files, and try to forget that life is a long, pointless joke told by a cruel, demented God. Oh, but they do come in a variety of colors, so, yeah. Whee.

Oh, sorry, was I crying again? Yeah, I do that sometimes. Well, all the time, pretty much.

Anyway, uh, come on down. We’ll have hot dogs, balloons, Zoloft, and suicide counselors for the whole family, along with the kinds of prices that could only be offered by someone who engages in self-destructive behaviors just to feel something, anything. I’ll see you at Clinically Depressed Freddy’s big netbook blowout, I guess. I don’t really see the point myself.

Authorized for SquareTrade Extended Warranty

Warranty: 90 Day Manufacturer

Condition: Refurbished

Specifications:

Acer AOD250-1341 Purple N270 or Acer AOD250-1197 Blue N270 Netbook

Intel Atom Processor N270 (1.6GHz, 533MHz FSB, 512KB L2 Cache)
Genuine Windows 7 Starter Operating System
1024MB DDR2 533MHz SDRAM Single Channel Memory
250GB SATA hard drive
6-Cell Lithium-Ion (5200mAh)
Integrated Intel Graphics Media Accelerator 950 and Mobile Intel G945GSE Express Chipset
802.11b/g Wi-Fi CERTIFIED
10.1” TFT LCD High-Brightness LED-backlit (1024X600 resolution) Display
Three USB 2.0 Ports
VGA Connector Port
Keyboard with Multi-Gesture Touchpad
Multi-in-1 Digital Media Card Reader (Memory Stick, Memory Stick Pro, MultiMediaCard, Secure Digital, xD-Picture Card)
10/100 Ethernet LAN (RJ-45 Port)
Built-In Speakers, Integrated Digital Microphone, Headphone (with Dolby Headphone Technology), Line Out Jack
Integrated Webcam
Weighs 2.8 lbs
Dimensions: 1” (H) X 10.2” (W) X 7.2” (D)

Additional Photos:

Acer AOD250-1341 Purple N270 Netbook
Acer AOD250-1341 Purple N270 Netbook Detail
Acer AOD250-1341 Purple N270 Netbook Left Profile
Acer AOD250-1341 Purple N270 Netbook Right Profile
Acer AOD250-1341 Purple N270 Netbook Keyboard
Acer AOD250-1197 Blue N270 Netbook
Acer AOD250-1197 Blue N270 Netbook Detail
Acer AOD250-1197 Blue N270 Netbook Left Profile
Acer AOD250-1197 Blue N270 Netbook Right Profile

===============================

eMachine EM250-1162 Black N270 Netbook

Intel Atom N270 processor (1.60 GHz speed, 533 MHz FSB, 512 KB L2 cache)
Genuine Windows 7 Starter Operating System
1 GB of DDR2 533MHz memory (Expandable to 2GB)
250GB SATA hard drive (5400 rpm)
10.1” widescreen LED-backlit display
3-Cell Lithium-Ion
Integrated Intel Graphics Media Accelerator 950
802.11b/g Wi-Fi CERTIFIED
10.1” Widescreen LED-backlit (1024X600 resolution) Display
Three USB 2.0 Ports
VGA Connector Port
Keyboard with Touchpad
Multi-in-1 Digital Media Card Reader (Memory Stick, Memory Stick Pro, MultiMediaCard, Secure Digital, xD-Picture Card)
10/100 Ethernet LAN (RJ-45 Port)
Built-In Speakers, Integrated Digital Microphone, Headphone (with Dolby Headphone Technology), Line Out Jack
Integrated Webcam
Kensington Lock Slot
Weighs 2.44 lbs
Dimensions: 1” (H) X 10.1” (W) X 7.2” (D)

Additional Photos:

eMachine EM250-1162 Black N270 Netbook
eMachine EM250-1162 Black N270 Netbook Detail
eMachine EM250-1162 Black N270 Netbook Left Profile
eMachine EM250-1162 Black N270 Netbook Right Profile
eMachine EM250-1162 Black N270 Netbook Keyboard

===============================

Gateway LT2104U Black N450 Netbook

Intel Atom Processor N450 (1.66GHz, 677MHz FSB, 512KB L2 Cache)
Genuine Windows 7 Starter Operating System
1024MB DDR2 533MHz SDRAM Single Channel Memory
250GB SATA hard drive
6-Cell Lithium Ion (4400mAh)
Integrated Intel Graphics Media Accelerator 3150 and Mobile Intel NM10 Express Chipset
802.11b/g/n Wi-Fi CERTIFIED
10.1” SD WSVGA High Brightness LED-backlit (1024X600 resolution) Display
Three USB 2.0 Ports
VGA Connector Port
Keyboard with Multi-Gesture Touchpad
Multi-in-1 Digital Media Card Reader (Memory Stick, Memory Stick Pro, MultiMediaCard, Secure Digital, xD-Picture Card)
10/100 Ethernet LAN (RJ-45 Port)
High Definition Audio Support, BUilt-IN Speakers, Microphone, Headphone (with Dolby Headphone Technology), Speaker, Line Out Jack
Integrated Webcam
Weighs 2.76 lbs
Dimensions: .99” (H) X 10.17” (W) X 8.04” (D)

Additional Photos:

Gateway LT2104U Black N450 Netbook
Gateway LT2104U Black N450 Netbook Detail
Gateway LT2104U Black N450 Netbook Left Profile
Gateway LT2104U Black N450 Netbook Right Profile
Gateway LT2104U Black N450 Netbook Keyboard

===============================

Asus 1005HAB-RBLK001S Black N270 Netbook

Intel Atom Processor N270 (1.6GHz, 533MHz FSB, 512KB L2 Cache)
Genuine Windows 7 Starter Operating System (32-Bit)
1024MB DDR2 533MHz SDRAM Single Channel Memory (Expandable to 2GB)
250GB SATA hard drive (5400 RPM)
3-Cell Lithium-Ion (5200mAh)
Integrated Intel Graphics Media Accelerator 950
802.11b/g/n Wi-Fi CERTIFIED
10.1” WSVGA LED-backlit (1024X600 resolution) Display
Three USB 2.0 Ports
VGA Connector Port
Keyboard with Touchpad
Multi-in-1 Digital Media Card Reader (MultiMediaCard, Secure Digital, Secure Digital High Capacity)
10/100 Ethernet LAN (RJ-45 Port)
Built-In Speakers, Integrated Digital Microphone, Headphone (with Dolby Headphone Technology), Line Out Jack
Integrated 1.3 MP Webcam
Weighs 2.8 lbs
Dimensions: 1” (H) X 10.3” (W) X 7.0” (D)

Additional Photos:

Asus 1005HAB-RBLK001S Black N270 Netbook
Asus 1005HAB-RBLK001S Black N270 Netbook Detail
Asus 1005HAB-RBLK001S Black N270 Netbook Left Profile
Asus 1005HAB-RBLK001S Black N270 Netbook Right Profile
Asus 1005HAB-RBLK001S Black N270 Netbook Keyboard

==============================

In the box:

10.1” Netbook with 250GB Hard Drive and Windows 7 (Choose Model)
Netbook Battery
Power Adapter and Cable

Inset credit: House of Sims

Inset credit: TheBusyBrain

Inset credit: e-MagineArt.com

Inset credit: Joseph Gray

Inset credit: Stephen Brace

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Price: $199.99

I want one!

I Heart Math - $10.00

Sat, 28 Aug 2010 05:00:04 GMT

Hey Baby, What’s Your Number?

2nd place in Derby #161:Double-Take Derby 10, with 846 votes!

That’s it. I’m done with women. Meet my new girlfriend, Mathematica.

Mathematica never expects me to “just know” that the dishes need doing. Mathematica never expects me to sit there for two hours with her creepy brother while she looks at bridal magazines with her aunts. Mathematica never, ever tells me everything’s OK when it’s not, and then sits there and lets me squirm while I try to figure out what’s bothering her.

With Mathematica, I always know where I stand. So what if she cannot offer me the physical warmth and emotional companionship of a real woman? I’ve always preferred the life of the mind. Let the others wallow in the inexact, messy world of feelings. Me, I’ll be exploring the deep, profound connections of the world of numbers, as beautiful as any woman’s smile, as all-encompassing as any woman’s embrace, as perfect as any the silky, unblemished skin of any woman-

Oh, my God. I’ve made a terrible mistake. C’mon, Amy, pick up your phone.

Wear this shirt: if you believe in the transitive property of love: one man and one woman equals one soul united for infinity. (Just don’t ask us to show our work.)

Don’t wear this shirt: if you’re the kind of scientific genius who’s too wrapped up in your little math problems to give your lady or man the kind of sweet, sweet loving that he or she deserves.

This shirt tells the world: “Coefficients forever, codependent never!”

We call this color: Olivegebra.

Design Placement: Centered

Design Size:
3X – S: 12” x 10.7”
WXL - K4: 9” x 8.03”

Pantone Colors: 7485C

Discuss this product

Price: $10.00

I want one!

iRobot Roomba 530 Robotic Vacuum with Virtual Wall - $139.99

Sat, 28 Aug 2010 05:00:03 GMT

Somebody’s got to clean this floor.

This cabana is filthy.

Its name is Roomba, it is a vacuum
It picks up feathers and pet hair, rolls around the floor down there
A harmless robot it will pick up stuff
And while you never ever clean you can count on this machine
Across your filthy floor, picks up dirt dust and more
You are young and you hate to do chores
Who could ask for more?

Buy this Roomba (Roomba!) Roomba Vacuum-a (Roomba vacuum-a!)
We promise you won’t get a tumor
From this Roomba (Roomba!) Roomba Vacuum-a
You need a vacuum to take care of your room
Get this Roomba
You’ll fall in love
(Roomba vacuum-a)

Yes it’s a refurb, so it’s no diamond
But you can watch it from your chair, see your Roomba vacuum there
And when it’s finished, goes back to Home Base
But you don’t even have to care, it won’t go sailing down stairs
It senses drop-offs too, it might bump into you
If you lie motionless on the floor
But why would you

(Aaaaaaaaaah
Roomba, Roomba vacuum-a
Promise no tumor
Roomba vacuum-a
You need a vacuum to take care of your room)

Its name is Roomba, it is a vacuum
It sucks up large and small debris, it’s perfect for you and me
It filters pollen, also dust bunnies
It will clean entire floors, under furniture ‘round doors
You will feel so refined
Better deal you won’t find
Now while your Roomba is handling cleaning
You can drink yourself blind

Authorized for SquareTrade Extended Warranty

Warranty: 90 Day iRobot

Condition: Refurbished

Features:

Efficiently vacuums dirt, debris, pet hair, dust, allergens and more from carpets and hard floors
Counter rotating Bristle Brush and Beater Brush work together like a dustpan and broom
Sturdy Bristle Brush digs deep into carpet fibers to grab dirt, debris, pet hair and more
Powerful vacuum sucks large and small debris into the large, bag-less bin
Fine filter traps dust, pollen and tiny particulate inside the bin
Cleans the whole floor, under and around furniture, into corners and along wall edges
Detects dirtier areas and spends more time cleaning them
Spot Clean provides quick clean-up of spills and concentrated messes
Automatically senses and avoids stairs and other drop-offs
Simple operation—just press the Clean button and Roomba does the rest
Automatically returns to its self-charging Home Base® to dock and recharge between cleanings
Faster counter-rotating brushes with improved design pick up more hair and debris and are easier to remove and clean
Improved filter captures more dust and allergens while a larger bin holds more debris
Improved anti-tangle technology keeps Roomba from getting stuck on cords, carpet fringe and tassels
Improved sidebrush makes Roomba even more efficient at cleaning edges and corners

Additional Photo:

Underbelly
In Home Base with Virtual Wall
Virtual Wall
Package Contents

In the box:

(1) iRobot Roomba 530
(1) Virtual Wall
(1) Self-charging Home Base
(1) Power Supply (3 hour charge time)
(1) Rechargeable Battery
(1) Filter

Discuss this product

Price: $139.99

I want one!

Woot Cellars Albino Rhino - 6 Pack with Shirt - $59.99

Fri, 27 Aug 2010 05:00:10 GMT

Something Like A Phenomenon

Welcome back, old bean! I must say, we at the Old Money Timewasters Club have been following your exploration with great glee. Take a snifter of cigars and tell us all about it!

There I was. The veldt. For days, I had tracked the beast through northwest Spain, the marks of his varietals my only clue. Thankfully, I have an inborn skill for tracking. Do you know that so often, when I pointed things out to my guide, he would swear that he himself had missed them? Of course, I tipped him each time that happened. You know, as an apology for making him look bad. Good chap, that one.

But! There I was. At the very lair of the beast. I raised my gun. Pulled the trigger. Lowered my gun. Turned off the safety. Raised my gun again. And… POW!

The room echoed with a crisp, fresh, snappy feel. Great acidity, I had never been exposed to anything like it before. Refreshing, honeyed flavors of apple, citrus and stone fruits. As I knelt beside the beast, I considered that it would be great with food. My guide told me that local customs was to give the skin to the shaman, but I was having none of that superstition. I brought it back with me, to give to the Queen.

Why, yes, I did bring trophies for all of you! Here, please, take these six bottles, with my compliments. But the included limited edition shirt is for Her Majesty. Gentlemen, to the Queen!

TO THE QUEEN!

Ah, yes, that snifter of cigars was quite fine, quite fine. I missed things like this when I was in that savage land of delicious white wines. But now, let me tell you about some of the strange laughable customs of the locals. Did you know… heh heh… did you know that every time their leader’s name is mentioned, they all have to yell out some sort of primitive salute? How backward indeed!

Woot Cellars Albino Rhino:

Varietal: 88% Albariño 12% Riesling
Harvest Date: September 23, 2009
Total Acidity: 0.63g/100ml
pH: 3.41
Alcohol: 13.7%
Residual Sugar: 7.02 g/l (dry)
Brix at Harvest: 23.4˚Brix

Albariño may be the most exciting white wine variety you've barely heard of. Albariño's forte is that it is crisp, fresh and snappy with great acidity, which makes it great with food. Not really a stand in for Viognier or Riesling, it's absolutely like no other wine in the world. The northwest area of Spain, the Rias Baixas, is the home of Albariño. This grape has refreshing, honeyed flavors of apple, citrus, and stone fruits.

Rules and restrictions:

Wine sold by winery (or a retailer in your state where necessary)
You must be 21 or older to order
Whoever receives the package must be 21 or older
If you're drunk when the package shows up, you will not be allowed to receive it
Wine cannot be delivered to a P.O. Box
We highly recommend you use a business address as your shipping address

Thanks to stick-in-the-mud buzzkilling state legislators, wine may only be delivered to the following states:

Arizona
California
Colorado
Connecticut
District Of Columbia
Florida
Georgia
Idaho
Illinois
Iowa
Kansas
Louisiana
Michigan
Minnesota
Missouri
Nebraska
Nevada
New Hampshire
New Mexico
New York
North Carolina
North Dakota
Ohio
Oregon
South Carolina
Tennessee
Texas
Vermont
Virginia
Washington
West Virginia
Wisconsin
Wyoming

Discuss this product

Price: $59.99

I want one!

Eat more meat - $10.00

Fri, 27 Aug 2010 05:00:10 GMT

Hey, Crohn’s disease ain’t all that bad.

1st place in Derby #161:Double-Take Derby 10, with 1152 votes!

You wanna know a secret? You don’t live longer by denying yourself earthly pleasures. Life just SEEMS longer that way. And what’s more enjoyable than saturated fat and processed sugars? Nothin’, that’s what.

So put down those peaches and pick up some Reese’s Pieces. Drop the broccoli for a burger; don’t forget the ammonia, either. And lose the salad for some sausage.

Life is not too short. Life is long. It goes on and on and on and it constantly wears and grinds and beats you down into dust until one day your body just says, “You know what? Screw this,” and conks out on you. So why spend that interminable time counting calories and watching your fiber intake and not spooning hamburger grease over your Froot Loops (don’t knock it ‘til you’ve tried it) and washing the whole thing down with a two-liter bottle of Mountain Dew?

Besides, plants are living things. We don’t feel right harming other creatures unless they’re domesticated and stupid.

Wear this shirt: To Arby’s. You might score a free Roast Beef ‘n Cheddar. Not because of the shirt; Arby’s just has to give their crappy food away sometimes to keep people interested.

Don’t wear this shirt: In some pathetic attempt to be a cutesy vegetarian. You’re mixing your messages.

This shirt tells the world: “You can put button eyes and a cute mouth on literally anything and I will buy it. Seriously. Button-eyed dog turd? How much you want for it?”

We call this color: Grass-Fed

Design Placement: Centered

Design Size:
3X – S: 10.5” x 8.26”
WXL - K4: 7.87” x 6.2”

Pantone Colors: White - 116C - 1375C - 185C - 364C - 349C

Discuss this product

Price: $10.00

I want one!

Philips 32” 720p LCD HDTV - $299.99

Fri, 27 Aug 2010 05:00:08 GMT

The First Party Weekend Oh, what’s up, Darkleaf Zonspur. C’mon in, me and Thunderhelm are in the den. Yeah, I know, we were supposed to meet you at the Three Crowns Inn but we went there and it was closed! It’s never closed! Every Friday night, for the past four years, we’ve been at that Three Crowns Inn! Guess it was due, though, right? Anyway, we found this refurbished Philips 32” 720p LCD HDTV so it’s cool. We’ll just have a quiet night in. Got some chips, gonna get a pizza, it’ll be fun! No, I don’t know what to watch. Everything looks good on a 1366 x 768p HD LCD screen. I mean, they do make larger versions but it’s all going to be new to us, right? C’mon, take a seat. Hey, can you remember the last time we had a Friday night to ourselves? In fact, as I think about it, we’ve been so active since roughly the middle of June. Every night, all of us together, chasing after that magic orb. I bet that magic orb doesn’t have built-in Dolby Digital though. Even still, it’ll be nice when we finally get those last two pieces. Here, have some of this ale that I swiped from the tavern. Can you believe that no one was there? I didn’t even have to make a Dexterity check! It was like nobody was in charge! I could have done anything! Cheers, Darkleaf! Mmm, good stuff. Say, the Philips 32” 720p LCD HDTV also has 3 HDMI ports in case we want to watch a Blu-Ray instead. Yeah, our bard isn’t here tonight to tell us any stories. Hey, Thunderhelm, what do you want on your pizza? What do dwarves eat on pizza? Do dwarves eat pizza? Anybody know? Go look that up and tell me what you want. No, no, Darkleaf, the bard’s not dead, he’s just away. I heard through the grapevine he was off with a different group all of a sudden. Word on the street is he was teleported into some vampire kingdom. Yeah, I heard they called it “State U”. Crazy world, right? Good luck to him, though. A man’s got to follow his destiny, and if it takes him away from his life-long friends, well, so be it. At least he’s got something to do. I wish I knew why that inn was closed! What’s that, Darkleaf? You were at the Forgotten Character Home today? Man, why were you over there with those old guys? Oh, Darkleaf, honestly. You can’t believe those bitter old vets and their stories. I mean, “college”? Not only is that name totally unrealistic, it’s also a crazy idea. We’ve been together four years straight, right? We were level one when we started. You’ve been resurrected nine times. Nine! If there are forces out there in control of our destiny, why would they suddenly all walk away and leave us behind after all that effort? You think they’re just going to forget about it? Look, it’s just a slow night, is all. Let’s just enjoy this rare chance to watch our lovely Philips 32” 720p LCD HDTV and not worry about the crap those old guys say. I mean, we’ve only got one more piece of the orb left, and who could walk away from that? Plus then we’ve got to find the people who made it, and then we’ve got to stop them all to save the universe, and that’s at least five more years of work. What sort of person could walk away from that, especially because of some made up place called “college”? That inn will be open next week, Darkleaf. You’ll see. This is just one crazy night. Hey, Thunderhelm, you figured it out yet? What? Pineapple and anchovy? Are you kidding me? Man, dwarves are weird.Authorized for SquareTrade Extended Warranty Warranty: 90 Day P & F Features: * HD LCD display with a 1366 x 768p resolution * WXGA display produces brilliant flicker-free progressive scan pictures with optimum brightness and superb colors * Digital Crystal Clear for detail depth and clarity – digitally adjusts and optimizes picture quality to optimal contrast, color and sharpness levels * Dolby Digital output for connection to a home theatre system * Incredible Surround for enhanced audio enjoyment – dramatically magnifies the sound field to in immerse you in the audio using state-of-the-art electronic phase shifting * (3) HDMI inputs with Easylink for HD connection * PC input (HDMI) – use your TV as a PC monitor * Energy Star qualified for energy efficiency and low power consumption * Built-in light sensor automatically measures the viewing room’s ambient lighting and adjusts the television’s backlight for power efficiency Additional Photos: * Philips 32” 720p LCD HDTV with Remote * Remote Control * Side Controls * Rear Video and Audio Ports Product Specifications: Picture/Display * Aspect ratio: Widescreen * Panel resolution: 1366 x 768p * Brightness: 380 cd/m² * Contrast ratio (typical): 2500:1 * Dynamic screen contrast: 10000:1 * Response time (typical): 8 ms * Diagonal screen size: 32 inch / 81 cm * Visible screen diagonal (inch): 31.5 cm * Viewing angle: 170° (H) / 170° (V) * Picture enhancement: Digital Crystal Clear, 3/2-2/2 motion pull down, 3D Combfilter, Digital Noise Reduction, Dynamic contrast enhancement, Progressive scan Supported Display Resolution Computer Formats (Resolution @ Refresh Rate) * 640 x 480 @ 60Hz * 720 x 480 @ 60Hz * 800 x 600 @ 60Hz * 1024 x 768 @ 60Hz * 1280 x 768 @ 60Hz * 1360 x 768 @ 60Hz Video Formats (Resolution @ Refresh Rate) * 480i @ 60Hz * 480p @ 60Hz * 720p @ 60Hz * 1080i @ 60Hz Sound * Equalizer: 5-bands * Output power (RMS): 2 x 10W * Sound Enhancement: Virtual Surround Sound * Sound System: Dolby Digital (AC-3), Stereo, SAP Loudspeakers * Built-in speakers: 2 Convenience * Child Protection: Child Lock+Parental Control * Clock: Sleep Timer * Ease of Installation: Autostore * Ease of Use: Auto Volume Leveller (AVL), AutoPicture, AutoSound, Settings assistant Wizard, Side Control * Remote Control: TV * Screen Format Adjustments: 4:3, 16:9, Normal, Zoom, Full, Movie Expand, Wide, unscaled (dot by dot) Tuner/Reception/Transmission * Aerial Input: 75 ohm F-type * TV system: ATSC, NTSC * Video Playback: NTSC * Tuner bands: UHF, VHF Connectivity * AV 1: Audio L/R in, YPbPr * AV 2: Audio L/R in, CVBS, S-Video * HDMI 1: HDMI, Analog audio L/R in * HDMI 2: HDMI * HDMI 3: HDMI * Audio Output – Digital: Coaxial (cinch) * Other connections: Analog audio Left/Right out * USB: 1 USB * EasyLink (HDMI-CEC): One touch play, Power status, System info (menu language), System audio control, System standby Power * Main power: 120V/60Hz * Power consumption: 145 W * Standby power consumption: < 0.5 W * Ambient temperature: 5°C to 35°C (41°F to 95°F) Dimensions * Set dimensions (W x H x D): 30.8 x 20.3 x 3.8 inch * Set dimensions with stand (W x H x D): 30.8 x 22.5 x 8.7 inch * Product weight: 19.2 lbs. * Product weight with stand: 20.8 lbs. * Box dimensions (W x H x D): 35.9 x 24.8 x 9.0 inch * Weight including packaging: 26.1 lbs. * VESA wall mount compatible: 200 x 200 mm In the box: * (1) Philips 32” 720p LCD HDTV * (1) Table Top Stand * (1) Power Cord * (1) Quick Start Guide * (1) User Manual * (1) Remote Control * (1) Registration Card Inset photo credit: benimoto Discuss this product Price: $299.99I want one!

Bigfoot Research Institute - $10.00

Thu, 26 Aug 2010 05:00:12 GMT

Bigfoot Research Institute

We Exist Because He Exists

The Bigfoot doesn’t have a time card. Bigfoot never had to sit through a four-hour standards compliance training course. Bigfoot doesn’t have to wear an ID card on a lanyard like tagged livestock.

Bigfoot doesn’t have to watch his carbs, or cut out trans-fats, or request his meal be prepared with no MSG. Bigfoot runs all the time, but never, ever, ever on a treadmill. When Bigfoot runs, he goes someplace.

The Bigfoot was never diagnosed with attention deficit disorder. Bigfoot doesn’t have food allergies. Bigfoot never went to a therapist. No one ever put Bigfoot in a special needs class.

No, but Bigfoot is in a special class. The class of truly free beasts, of which there is only one.

Wear this shirt: while thinking and sketching in preparation for the upcoming Derby, about which sshh, we’ve said too much already.

Don’t wear this shirt: in Bigfoot’s direct line of sight, lest he mistake you for a territorial rival, and fight you. Or maybe worse, a prospective mate, and breed you. Unless you’re into that. To each his own, that’s our motto.

This shirt tells the world: “You know what they say about hominids with big feet? They don’t exist!”

We call this color: SasqWhite

Design Placement: Centered at bottom hem

Design Size:
3X – M: 21” x 20”
S – K12: 15” x 14”
K10 - K4: 10” x 9.5”

Pantone Colors: Black

Images of size and placement:

Discuss this product

Price: $10.00

I want one!

Dell Inspiron 17.3” Notebook with Intel Core i5 Processor - $599.99

Thu, 26 Aug 2010 05:00:10 GMT

Live From The Borscht Asteroid Belt, Again Ladies, gentlemen, and blxnzxii, please give a warm, slimy Betelgeusean welcome to the filthiest insult comic in the galaxy: Frank Blrgrooool! Thank you, thank you. I can feel the warmth in this room. Anybody awake in here? It’s like my wife’s znifnorx on our wedding night! Somebody roll me over when it’s my turn to f’glurg’og, am I right? Ah, but I love playing Betelgeuse-9, I really do. Every time I come here I have the happy thought that maybe Thisbe doesn’t smell so bad! Hey, look who we have with us in the audience tonight: the Dell Inspiron 17” Notebook! Get him another round, waitress, his xorxx membranes are starting to dry out! This guy, we go way back. I’m not saying he’s got an ego, but when he walks into a room, he expects everybody to kiss his 500 GB hard drive. What’s worse is, he keeps it in his t’khhorkhll! And ugly? Whew! This guy makes Emperor Uqqrowxx look like Jude Law! Hey, Inspiron, can I borrow your face? My vrqurq is going on vacation! Oh, and that Multiformat DVD±RW/CD-RW drive, that sounds real nice – if he’s not too sloshed to keep from crashing it into a space-tree! This guy drinks the way a Venusian makes snrkulnrk: with all three tentacles at once! Nah, but seriously, folks, he’s a good guy, Dell Inspiron 17” Notebook. He’s good for home multimedia, he’s good for video chatting, he’s good for creating customized CDs and DVDs. And for 20 quaxols, he’ll let you uuzquuox his sister’s xhoxhl! You can’t even get a deal like that on Neptune! Ooh, you Neptunians don’t like that, huh? What, have your prices gone up? Now, if you’ll excuse me, I think I must take my bow. My wife’s going to see her mother on Ceres and my barnaxx are due back in her purse! Thank you! G’night!Authorized for SquareTrade Extended Warranty Warranty: 90 Day Dell Features: * Intel Core i5-430M Processor with Intel Turbo Boost Technology * 4GB memory for multi-tasking capabilties * Multiformat DVD±RW/CD-RW drive with double-layer support * 17.3” WLED high-definition plus widescreen display * 500 GB hard drive for plenty of storage space * HDMI output for connection to an HDTV * Built-in 1.3MP webcam to stay in touch with family and friends * Convenient 7-in-1 media reader * Full keyboard with numeric pad Additional Photos: * Laptop Cover * Side View (Left) * Side View (Right) * Front View Product Specifications: * Operating System: Microsoft Windows 7 Home Premium Edition 64-bit * Processor: Intel Core i5-430M processor * Processor Speed: 3MB cache and 2.26GHz processor speed with Turbo Boost up to 2.53GHz * System Memory:4GB DDR3 SDRAM memory (expandable up to 8GB) * Optical Drive: Dual-layer DVD±RW/CD-RW * Display Type: High-definition plus WLED * Screen Size: 17.3” * Hard Drive: 500 GB Serial ATA hard drive (5400 rpm) * Graphics: Intel HD * Speakers: Built-in stereo speakers * Video Output: HDMI output * 7-in-1 media reader: Supports Secure Digital, MultiMediaCard, xD-Picture Card, Memory Stick, Memory Stick PRO, MultiMediaCard Plus, High Density Secure Digital and Secure Digital High Capacity formats * USB 2.0 Ports: 4 * Built-in Dell 1520 wireless LAN card * Wireless Networking: Wireless-B+G+N * Networking: Built-in 10/100 Ethernet LAN (RJ-45 connector) * Battery Type: 6-cell lithium-ion * Battery Life: Up to 4 hours * Weight: 6.4lbs * Dimensions: 16.5” x 10.9” x 1.3” (L x W x Thickness) In the box: * (1) Dell Inspiron Laptop with Intel Core i5 Processor (Color: Black Obsidian) * (1) AC Power Cord * (1) Owner’s Manual Inset credit: cosmobc Discuss this product Price: $599.99I want one!

VIKINGS - $10.00

Wed, 25 Aug 2010 05:00:20 GMT

Sea Legs

You know, Leif, I think we may want to rethink our approach to this whole sailing thing.

It’s just that we’ve lost a lot of longboats lately, you know? And that’s not to mention the ever-dwindling number of extremely long-legged Norsemen we’re facing. Pretty soon those guys aren’t even going to exist if we don’t do something about the boats’ design problem.

Well, of course, it’s a problem, Leif! Lemme paint you a picture. Boat sails off. Our guys are kicking like crazy. Sharks come up and chomp off their legs, creating a hole in the boat where the stump is. Suddenly the entire voyage becomes an exercise in screaming, blood, drowning, and DEATH. That’s what’s happening out there, my friend, and ain’t nobody getting into Valhalla that way.

Here’s an idea: we take long pieces of wood and we fashion them into paddles, or “oars”, that we use to row, row, row the boat forward. No legs in the water, no holes in the boat, no problem. Sounds crazy, I know, but I’ve got a feeling it just might work.

Wear this shirt: while relaxing with a little folk metal after a long day’s pillage.

Don’t wear this shirt: if you’re a fan a Charlemagne.

This shirt tells the world: “I really like long-legged vikings. Don’t judge me.”

We call this color: Under The Deep Baby Blue Sea

Design Placement: Centered

Design Size:
3X – S: 11.11” x 19”
WXL - WS: 8.33“ x 14.25”
K12 - K4: 7.31” x 12.5”

Pantone Colors: 163C - 209C - 2945C

Discuss this product

Price: $10.00

I want one!

Expression 44° Pinot Noir - 2 Pack - $49.99

Wed, 25 Aug 2010 05:00:19 GMT

In 1492 Columbus Invented Sampling

Wine and latitude have been together since the very start.

In fact there’s a very good chance that the Greek astronomer Hipparcus was actually drinking some wine on the day, back in 300 B.C., when he first proved the Earth to be a sphere. And then there’s Erstosthenes, who likely raised a glass when he finally calculated the size of the Earth to within 300 miles, in about 225 B.C. And when Columbus finally took credit for proving the Earth was round about 1600 years later? You know he was having some wine.

So it’s no surprise to find the Expression 44° Pinot Noir 2 Pack tied to the idea of latitude. Expression Wines has chased after the finest grapes they can get in each West Coast wine-growing region, and these bottles come from the Eola-Amity Hills of Willamette Valley, Oregon. Not surprisingly, the Eola-Amity Hills are found at 44 degrees latitude. It’s all coming together, isn’t it?

These two Pinots carry the flavors of the ancient lava flows that once created the well-drained soils of Eola-Amity. The first bottle, out of the Willakia Vineyard, was born from a perfect bloom wrapped in ocean breezes, and mixes aromatics with youthful power. The second comes from Roserock Vineyard, 2007, and is full of pure fruit, with a ripe and supple mouthfeel. Placed together, they offer a wonderful chance for you to discover a New World of flavor. Give yourself a little latitude!

2006 Pinot Noir Willakia Vineyard:

Varietal Content: 100% Pinot Noir
Appellation: Eola – Amity Hills
Vineyard: Willakia Vineyard
Cases Produced: 826
Willakia® is LIVE and Salmon Safe Certified

2007 Pinot Noir Roserock Vineyard:

Varietal Content: 100% Pinot Noir
Appellation: Eola – Amity Hills
Vineyard: Roserock Vineyard
Cases Produced: 475
Roserock® is LIVE and Salmon Safe Certified

Rules and restrictions:

Wine sold by winery (or a retailer in your state where necessary)
You must be 21 or older to order
Whoever receives the package must be 21 or older
If you're drunk when the package shows up, you will not be allowed to receive it
Wine cannot be delivered to a P.O. Box
We highly recommend you use a business address as your shipping address

Thanks to stick-in-the-mud buzzkilling state legislators, wine may only be delivered to the following states:

California
Colorado
Connecticut
District Of Columbia
Florida
Georgia
Illinois
Iowa
Michigan
Minnesota
Missouri
Nevada
New Hampshire
New Mexico
New York
North Carolina
Ohio
Oregon
Tennessee
Texas
Vermont
Virginia
Washington
Wisconsin

Discuss this product

Price: $49.99

I want one!

Ecomposter with Spider Base - $99.99

Wed, 25 Aug 2010 05:00:18 GMT

After The Adventure Hey, is that… ohhh, it is! It’s Nelmond! Nelmond the Elf! How’s it goin’, pal! Man, it’s been… six months, right? Wow, how time flies. Yeah, I didn’t expect to see you riding into my kingdom at all! No, no, nothing much, just cleaning up the place. I feel like I have to do my share of the heavy lifting too, part of being a people’s king, right? Plus, it’s been pretty peaceful here ever since we defeated ol’ Evil Eye. Hey, since you’re here, I’ve been meaning to make it down to see the little guys again, figured maybe in the fall we could all have ourselves a little camping trip. Like the old days, right? I was going to send an enchanted owl to let you know but… aw, hey, but I’m being rude! How have you been, old friend? Oh, here on business? What? He’s BACK? HERE? BEHIND ME??? Oh, wow, ha ha. Phew, you got me there, Nelmond. I’ll tell you, that’s not a freaky disembodied astral form of an unstoppable god-like wizard, that’s my Ecomposter with Spider Base! Yeah, picked that up after clearing out the mess in the forest. Hey, did you know that food and garden waste can turn into compost in about four weeks? Yeah, and you know what else? Talking trees love the stuff. Yeah, it’s like some kinda drug to them. Throw in some potato peelings, maybe a little cinnamon, they’ll be dropping fruit left and right. Really helps us rebuild the post-war economy. Especially since we melted all the gold down to make those magic swords. Yeah, but they sure look sweet over the mantle, don’t they? Well, sure I know it looks like a giant eye! It took long enough to put together, after all. But it holds 71 gallons of compost, so I think it was all worthwhile. Better for the environment, better for me, better for the pig monsters… yeah, they’re still around. C’mon, man, don’t start that “elf man’s burden” thing again. I mean, really? We’re friends and all, but, seriously, not cool. Okay, okay, hey, I’m sorry too. You came here because you thought a friend was in trouble, and I’m really happy for that. So, tell you what, why don’t we leave this Ecomposter with Spider Base to do its job in peace, and you and me, old friend, can head back to the castle for a great dinner. You still like half rations, right? Ha, no, I’m just kidding you, it’s fruit again. We can’t eat steak until the priests are done exorcising the cows. Yeah, long story there. I’ll tell you over dinner. Warranty: 1 Year Systems Trading Features: * Transforms food and garden waste into nutrient-rich compost in about 4 weeks * Holds 71 gallons (268 liters) of food and garden waste (stores over 500 pounds of waste) * Handles all compostable yard, garden, and kitchen waste * Made from reclaimed/recycled Nylon Plastic * Compost can be added to all gardens and potted plants as a natural fertilizer * Takes approximately 2 hours to construct with 2 people * Assembly Manual and User Guide Air Induction Tube Design * 32 inside air tubes are designed to shorten the composting process * Tubes help to break up and mix newly added materials with older materials * Tubes hollow design allows for critical air flow and moisture to reach the center of the composting material Additional Photos: * Systems Trading STC33301 Ecomposter (Special Effects not included) * Systems Trading STC33301 Ecomposter Box * Systems Trading STC33301 Ecomposter on Spider Base * Systems Trading STC33301 Ecomposter Spider Base * Systems Trading STC33301 Ecomposter Inner Ring Open * Systems Trading STC33301 Ecomposter Outer Ring Open * Systems Trading STC33301 Ecomposter Close up of Inner and Outer Rings * Systems Trading STC33301 Ecomposter Key * Systems Trading STC33301 Ecomposter Ring Base * Systems Trading STC33301 Ecomposter on Ring Base Required Tools: * Philips Screwdriver * Hammer or Rubber Mallet * Gloves In the box: * Systems Trading STC33301 Ecomposter * Spider Base with Rollers * Standard Base Components: * 8 S1 Sphere Panels * 8 S1a Sphere Panels * 112 (+12) S2 Rivets * 112 (+12) S8 Pins * 16 S6 Small Air Tubes * 16 S7 Large Air Tubes * 48 (+2) S4 Green Side Tabs * 32 (+2) S3 White Mid Tabs * 2 S5 Collars * 1 L3 Key * 4 CR2 M5 Screws * 4 CR3 M5 Nuts * 4 CR1 Center Rings * 2 L1 Outer Lids * 2 L3 Inner Lids Spider Base Components: * 6 B1 Legs * 12 B3 Leg Connectors * 6 B3 Feet * 6 B4 Wheel Brackets * 6 B5 Wheels * 36 (+4) CR2 M5 Screws * 24 (+4) B6 M6 Bolts * 36 (+4) CR6 M5 Nuts * 24 (+4) B7 M6 Nuts Discuss this product Price: $99.99I want one!

They grow up so fast - $10.00

Tue, 24 Aug 2010 05:00:26 GMT

Alright you two, that’s enough!

Time to come in for lunch!

Those kids of mine, I swear. They can find joy in the simplest things, you know? I mean, it’s just a simple puddle. What’s the big deal? But they’ve been out there for hours jumping around, stooping down to look at these little things floating in the water, then jumping around some more.

It’s like they’re mesmerized. I mean, god forbid they sit still for a car ride or behave in line at the store, but give them a little rain storm and they’re happy as pigs in…well, in a puddle. Pigs in a puddle.

What? That’s a saying. I’m sure of it.

I just wish they were always so agreeable. Like maybe there’s some secret to what makes puddle hopping so much fun, you know? I even asked them why they liked it so much but all they would say is “The screams, mama. The tiny, helpless screams of the doomed.” I was like, “what does that even mean,” you know?

Such imagination, those kids of mine.

Wear this shirt: Under your slicker, unless you want to be that person in the office all covered in rain drop marks.

Don’t wear this shirt: On an airplane. The lady next to you is flying for the first time and anything remotely destructive is going to freak her out.

This shirt tells the world: “Sure, we’re all gonna die. But it’s kind of adorable if you think about it my way.”

We call this color: Mega Tsugrassi

Design Placement: Centered

Design Size:
3X – S: 10.14” x 9.25”
WXL - K4: 7.61” x 6.93”

Pantone Colors: White - 7401C - 102C - 605C - 7454C - 7497C - Black

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Price: $10.00

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TrueFire Gourmet Cedar Wraps - 24 Pack - $7.99

Tue, 24 Aug 2010 05:00:25 GMT

Wrapping Things Up Time now for another episode of “Cooking Through The Pain” with your host, Stacy McGillicuddy. Hey, everyone. Sorry if I seem pretty down for my big Super Summer Fun Time Grilling Party episode. This was going to be a really great episode, too, one where we forget about all those stupid men that have broken our hearts and get back to basics with our best girlfriends by cooking up some fantastic food with our 24 pack of TrueFire Gourmet Cedar Wraps and some frozen margaritas by the pool. Well, when the host’s own best friend Heather, excuse me, EX-BEST FRIEND HEATHER sends you an email cancelling on you, possibly because she’s too much of a coward to use a phone to tell you she isn’t coming because she’s met some “great guy” who just happens to be one of your ex-boyfriends, you get a “Don’t Have To Be Happy” pass. It’s a cooking show rule. Ask Rachel Ray if you don’t believe me. But it’s going to be okay. We don’t need her to have a great show, do we? WE DON’T NEED ANYBODY. All we need are these TrueFire Gourmet Cedar Wraps and our favorite veggies and meats that we bought back when we thought being “sisters” since third grade meant something. With these wraps, all you have to do is soak them in water for about 20 minutes, then roll them around your food to make your food moist, succulent, and bursting with cedar aroma and flavor. They’re perfect for steaming and baking, as well. And they make quite a nice gourmet presentation, too, if, of course, you don’t find yourself so utterly alone in a world that is nothing but darkness and betrayal to care about that sort of thing. Say, maybe we can wrap up that “Best Friends” bracelet Heather gave me for Christmas last year and replace all the meaning it once had with an infusion of cedar flavor! Otherwise, it’s nothing but a useless hunk of scrap metal and broken promises now, right?! RIGHT?! First things first, though. We’ve got to get this charcoal grill started. Remember, you’ll want to add a few pieces of newspaper to your charcoal pyramid to really help get things going. In a pinch, feel free to use the scrapbook pages you and your ex-best friend were putting together! After all, nothing lights a fire like the grim realization that putting your trust in others only leads to suffering! Features: * 6” x 6” wraps are 100% natural cedar * Infuses food with cedar flavor * Food emerges moist and succulent * Ideal for baking, steaming or grilling * Great gourmet presentation Additional Photos: * TrueFire Gourmet Cedar Wraps in action * It’s a TrueFire Gourmet Cedar Wrap fan * TrueFire Gourmet Cedar Wraps Packaging Instructions: * Soak cedar wraps in water for 20 minutes * Roll food in the cedar and secure (a scallion makes a great tie, or simply set wrap flap-side down) * Steam, bake or grill until food is cooked * Do not place on heating elements, flames or coals * For oven use: place prepared wraps on a cookie sheet; oven temperature should not exceed 400 degrees * For grill use: place on indirect heat; do not leave unattended while cooking * Serve food in wrap for gourmet presentation * Do not consume cedar wraps In the box: * TrueFire 6” x 6” Cedar Wrap 24-Pack * Instruction Sheets (Recipes Included) Discuss this product Price: $7.99I want one!

ISO SWM - $10.00

Mon, 23 Aug 2010 05:00:14 GMT

Honestly? This poses more questions than it answers.

But I guess he was always a mysterious guy hiding a lot.

Was he stuck in the can? Did he just have such an obsessive compulsion to hide that he did so until his untimely death? Did he write the note right before he died? This thing has more plot holes than Lost.

Is this in the desert? How is he completely desiccated and peeled of flesh like that? Did it all slough off into that flat wooden barrel/trash can thing? Is that a skeleton torso just floating in a thick, fetid soup of Waldo flesh?

Look, we appreciate a goofy cultural reference to something completely inane as much as the next t-shirt site, but this. This just defies logic. Each possible solution only opens three more riddles to be solved. We’re guessing ol’ stripe would’ve wanted it that way.

Wear this shirt: In trash cans. Or wooden barrels.

Don’t wear this shirt: While hiding. The stripes are pretty visible.

This shirt tells the world: “What are you hiding from?! LET ME LOVE YOU!”

We call this color: I don’t have any more clever puns for an Asphalt tee.

Design Placement: Centered

Design Size:
3X – S: 10” x 10.48”
WXL - K4: 7.5” x 7.86”

Pantone Colors: Cool Gray 1C - Cool Gray 3C - 7547C - 193C - Black

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Price: $10.00

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Weinstock Cellars Wines by W Mix - 6 Pack - $54.99

Mon, 23 Aug 2010 05:00:13 GMT

You don’t have to wish anyone “L’shanah tovah.”

You don’t even have to know what that means. We don’t.

Yes, this Weinstock Cellars by W Mix 6 Pack is kosher. But don’t confuse it for that ultra-sweet Seder standby. Nothing against it, but this ain’t that. It’s just really good wine that happens to be kosher. And even more importantly, you’re getting two bottles each of three great wines; more than enough to share at your next party.

You certainly don’t have to sound a shofar to appreciate the 2009 Pink, a proprietary blend of Cabernet Sauvignon, Petite Sirah, Muscat Canelli, and Zinfandel, but you could.

And yes, you could enjoy the 2009 White with the head of a fish if you were so inclined, but it would be delicious with any poached fish or even pasta. regardless of the occasion.

Pomegranate may be your favorite simonim, but you could also enjoy the pomegranate aromas of the 2009 Red any time. You could even eat it with, say, chocolate or honey-covered apples even.

So you don’t have to be chosen to choose these wines, and you could use them to ring in whichever new year you like. But we accept no liability for the guilt trip from grandma if you skip the Manishewitz.

2009 White by W, California:

Alc/Vol: 12%
Size: 750ml
Region: California
Type: dry
Color: White
V arieties: White Table Wine
Producer: Weinstock
Supervision: ou
Passover: yes
Mevushal: yes

2009 Pink by W, California:

Alc/Vol: 12%
Size: 750ml
Region: California
Type: semi-dry
Color: blush
Varieties: Rose', Semi Dry
Producer: Weinstock
Supervision: ou
Passover: yes
Mevushal: yes

2009 Red by W, California:

Alc/Vol: 12%
Size: 750ml
Region: California
Type: dry
Color: red
Varieties: Red Table Wine
Producer: Weinstock
Supervision: ou
Passover: yes
Mevushal: yes

Rules and restrictions:

Wine sold by winery (or a retailer in your state where necessary)
You must be 21 or older to order
Whoever receives the package must be 21 or older
If you're drunk when the package shows up, you will not be allowed to receive it
Wine cannot be delivered to a P.O. Box
We highly recommend you use a business address as your shipping address

Thanks to stick-in-the-mud buzzkilling state legislators, wine may only be delivered to the following states:

California
Colorado
Connecticut
District Of Columbia
Florida
Georgia
Idaho
Illinois
Iowa
Kansas
Louisiana
Michigan
Minnesota
Missouri
Nebraska
Nevada
New Hampshire
New Mexico
New York
North Carolina
North Dakota
Ohio
Oregon
South Carolina
Tennessee
Texas
Vermont
Washington
West Virginia
Wisconsin
Wyoming

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Price: $54.99

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Neat Receipts 4 Plus Mobile Scanner w/ Case + Digital Filing Software - $79.99

Mon, 23 Aug 2010 05:00:11 GMT

Low Scanner Scans A Little Faster Hydraulic suspension. Triple chrome dubs. Flaked and laced gold-and-red paint job. This is gonna be the year I take first prize at the West Coast Custom Receipt Scanner Rally. I first got into customs back in ‘06. ‘Til then I thought a receipt scanner was something that, like, some nerd or somebody might use to scan some receipts or something lame like that. Well, truth be known, I didn’t even know what a receipt scanner was. But if you had told me what one was, I would have punched you in the mouth for boring me half to death. Then my uncle Lulo came back from the big Carson City rally with his new Neat Receipts 4 Plus Mobile Scanner. My jaw dropped so hard it left chin marks in the asphalt. Flames up both sides, choreographed ground effects, a little chrome statue of a shark on the hood: Lulo had that thing so pimped out he made Huggy Bear look like Mike Stivic. I’d always thought Lulo was some kind of uptight accountant dude, but when he bounced that NR 4 up and down the boulevard, you better believe the chicas came running. “Ay, Lulo, I got a document you can scan and organize!” “Come over here and track and manage my spending, Papi!” I logged on to Woot and bought my own that very night. Now, when the ladies need to preserve digital copies of their financial records, they come running to me. Lulo passed away one night last year when he crashed that sweet ride into some big, nasty 401(k) statements. If it wasn’t for the included deluxe travel case, we would’ve had to give him a closed-casket funeral. So now, in a tribute to the man who got me into custom receipt scanners, I’m going all out to win that rally with the dopest, flyest Neat Receipts 4 anybody’s ever seen. And at the end of it all, I’ll know exactly how much I spent. Warranty: 1 Year Neatco Features: * Scans, reads and organizes your receipts, business cards and documents * Create a digital filing cabinet of your important documents * Track and manage your spending * Export to PDF, Outlook, Excel, QuickBooks, and more * Includes ABBYY PDF Transformer Pro 2.0 software and NeatWorks 4.0 software Scan in receipts to: * Save digital copies of receipts and records of vendors, dates, and totals * Create expense reports and manage business and personal expenses * Keep track of expenses for tax time (records accepted by the IRS) * Export data to Excel, Quicken, QuickBooks, and TurboTax Scan in business cards to: * Keep digital images of cards and contact information * Capture name, address, company, title, etc… * Create your own searchable contact database * Export data to Outlook and more Scan in documents to: * Create searchable PDF files * Edit text using copy/paste * Organize and store in your digital filing cabinet Additional Pictures: * Neat Receipts 4 Plus Mobile Scanner * Side View * Package Contents (Excluding ABBYY PDF Transformer CD) * ABBYY PDF Transformer Pro 2.0 CD * Packaging NeatWorks 4.0 Software Specifications: * Images can be saved in JPEG, PDF, and other popular formats * Data can be sent to .XLS (Microsoft Excel), .RTF (Word), Outlook, .OFX and .QIF (Quicken), .TXF (TurboTax), .IIF (QuickBooks), .CSV, HTML, and PLAXO * Reads U.S. and Canadian receipts and business cards * Database can scale to approximately 1.5 million receipts ABBYY PDF Transformer 2.0 Software Features: * Convert PDF files to editable documents like Microsoft Word, Excel, HTML, or TXT * Convert image-only PDF into searchable PDF files * Generate PDF files directly from Microsoft Word document, an Excel spreadsheet, a PowerPoint presentation or a Visio diagram Scanner Specifications: * Portable color/grayscale/B&W CIS * USB powered – no external power supply needed * Maximum Resolution: 600 dpi * Dimensions: 10.8” x 1.6” x 1.3” (W x D x H) * Weight: 10.6 oz * Scan Area: 1” x 1” x 14” (up to 30” long) * Speed: approximately 3 – 4 receipts per minute System Requirements: (PC ONLY) * Microsoft Windows XP, Vista, or 7 * Pentium IV 1.3GHz or later * 1GB RAM (2GB highly recommended) * 1GB hard drive space to install * CD-ROM drive * Available USB port In the box: * Mobile Scanner * ABBY PDF Transformer Software * NeatWorks Installation CD * USB Cable * Deluxe Travel Case * Scanner Calibration and Cleaning Paper * Quick Start Guide Discuss this product Price: $79.99I want one!

Unexpected Error - $10.00

Sun, 22 Aug 2010 05:00:14 GMT

The Final Bug Report

3rd place in Derby #160: The End of the World, with 777 votes!

James McGillicuddy 2012-12-21 10:13:05 PDT

Noticed the browser was running a little slow this morning, so I took a look into the code and found something kind of strange. Was there a new process added in the last update that they didn’t tell us about? As near as I can tell, something in the code seems to be using my system resources to translate a bit of ancient Mayan. Is anyone else experiencing the same problem?

David Smith 2012-12-21 10:18:33 PDT

That’s odd. I think I’ve pinned down the problem, but it’s nothing new that they’ve added. It seems to be a set of instructions that’ve been in the code since they created the browser. Can’t seem to find a way to stop it, either. I’d spend more time on this, but the weather’s gone awfully terrible all of a sudden. I swear I just heard the roar of a tornado or something. I’ll be back later.

Kevin Burnett 2012-12-21 10:21:01 PDT

HAD TO REBOOT AND DOWNLOAD ANOTHER BROWSER JUST TO POST THIS! All my tabs suddenly closed the screen went totally black except for two words: “SAVE YOURSELF”. What’s that supposed to mean?

Hope you guys find a fix soon. Have to log out for a while. My wife’s screaming about something downstairs.

Wear this shirt: and hope that the Fox Of Flame And Woe will spare you.

Don’t wear this shirt: if you’re still using IE6. Also? WHY MUST YOU CONTINUE HURTING THE INTERNET?

This shirt tells the world: “Oh, no! My browser’s really slow! Go, go, Mozilla!”

We call this color: Based on Netscape Navy-gator

Design Placement: Centered

Design Size:
3X – S: 13” x 12.1”
WXL - K4: 9” x 8.37”

Pantone Colors: White - 107C - 165C - 1797C - 444C - Black

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Price: $10.00

I want one!